Well, we are still in at the fork in the road, everytime we take a step in either direction, we take 2 back.<P>I have told him to just go to OW. He is not sure, doesn't want to hurt the kids, etc. But yet he doesn't know if he go to counesling or anything else, plus he will have to pay her rent till the end of the yr. His name is on the lease, I don't know if I can live with the fact he will be paying $1500 a month for her to place to live. What kind of person lets a MM pay for their place to live, even if you think/know the other person will soon be moving in to the place.<P>This has to end soon, we have to do something.

Limboland isn't any fun. I feel for you. You didn't say how long you have been living like this. I have been in limbo for a month. It is hard.<P>I quit talking about A and OW. I just try to be his wife. I meet all the EN's I can and post here when I feel fragile. Continue counseling for yourself, if you can. Become strong. Pray.<P><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7

are you ****?????<P>Just a yes or no will do... <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Hey steel Magnolia,<P>Sorry you have to deal with this. I am very angry right now at your H. I will post later when I am not so hopping mad.<P>((((((((((((((Steel)))))))))))))))

<B>Nyneve</B>,<P>"it's me, it's me it's _ _ _ _!"<BR>

Hey honey, so good to see you!!! <P>I'm sorry for all you're going through. <P>You're someone I'll keep coming here to see...<P>((((Steel Magnolia)))))<P>Sending love and healing energy to you and your sons -- and heck, your H too!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Hi Steel,<P>Good to hear from you. You know the offer is still open. I may not be able to do as good a job as the LB Fairie but I will sure give it my best shot. <P>I am sorry your H is such a waffler. He does have stronger family sense to want to be near his boys and even though he has said some mean things to you, his actions show he is still with his family. Confusing isn't it? Shows he is still in the fog and fighting to clear his head. Hm..... Let me help....... I could go and knock some sense into him. Padded baseball bat? I have one and also the reliable wooden rolling pin. <P>The waffling will continue for a while. He sounds like he is still trying to decide. Boy the effect of these relationships make the strongest men weak. What a shame. <P>Hang in there my friend. We are here for you. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

I'm a newbie, so I've missed the history to your story. But I have a question in regards to your H having to pay his OW rent until the end of the month because the lease is in his name. I can understand how this monthly expenditure would repeatedly dig at you. <P>1. What are the repercussions if H breaks the lease? If he loses only the security deposit, you would still be ahead financially. <P>2. If the lease absolutely can't be broken, why must the OW remain staying there? Personally, I would insist that she move out IMMEDIATELY. It's bad enough to lay out the $$$, but why have it going toward her living expenses?? At least if she is removed, you'll have the peace of mind that the $ isn't going to her and it removes the convenience of your H having the ability to immediately move in with her. <P>Your H doesn't seem to want to make any decisions. Living in a limbo state is painful, drawn out, and stressful on all involved. I have lived that way for a couple of years and it has destroyed so many good things in our lives. I am the one that chose to keep our lives in limbo (having had the first EA and not willing to give up OM, but also not willing to give up marriage) and H was tolerant of that and enabled it. Living in constant state of disorder and stress has caused more damage to everyone than making an initial decision ever would have. I didn't want to hurt any of the people involved, but that is impossible. You can't sit on the fence and have happiness, there are always opposite forces tugging at you. And right now H is pulling you and your family along for the rocky ride. It's selfish behaviour, because what H really wants is it all. He wants the security of his home, his family intact, and he also wants the romance and attentions of his OW. How long you are willing to sustain his indecision is up to you. I do feel for you.<P>Back to the original thoughts though... I think that it definitely within your rights to demand that this OW no longer be supported by your family's income. Scoot her out to the curb and either break the lease or use the space constructively - either Sublet it to offset the cost, turn it into a studio, use it as a weekend "got-to-have-some-time-to-myself" retreat haven, let out-of-town guests use it, offer the space to use for meetings for some organization or group...... or if H needs a space to HIMSELF (not with OW) it's available. Change the locks on the place and have possession of the key so it can't be used as a meeting place for H & OW. Why make it easy for him? <P>Anyway.. JMHO<P>I hope that your day today is going better.....<BR>

Hi Steel,<P><BR>I am calm now. One thought on the apartment if you can not break the lease than sublet it out to someone. If you find a replacement renter then you can transfer the lease over to them. You will probably loose the deposit but who cares about a little bit of money. The Cow should never get a free ride. <P>I know durring my grad schoold days I had a roommate from down below. We were both on the lease. I made her sign a form releasing me from my half. I strong armed her because I could not live with her crap any more. I moved to a new appartment in the complex and my life was so much better. If he co-signed the lease then make her sign the paper work to take over the lease. The complex should have the information and paperwork. Believe me they have seen it all.<P>Maybe your H just needs a wake up call on what life would be like without you and the kids everyday in his life. I think he just does not know what to do.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Steel Magnolia:<BR><B>Well, we are still in at the fork in the road, everytime we take a step in either direction, we take 2 back.<P>I have told him to just go to OW. He is not sure, doesn't want to hurt the kids, etc. But yet he doesn't know if he go to counesling or anything else...<P>...This has to end soon, we have to do something.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think it was Yogi Berra who said "when you come to a fork in the road, take it". I can't remember if Yogi's still alive, but I think your H could benefit from his counsel.<P>As painful as it is, you may need to force the issue if he doesn't "take the fork", whichever one he takes. If you do have to force his hand, try to do so if a loving as well as firm way. You've come too far to waste your Plan A on a final blowup. Instead, if you have to, just explain that you're moving on with or without him. You'd like it to be with him, but in either case you're not going to wait forever in limbo.<P>I hope he wakes up to what he may lose.<P>Steve

<P>I could make an issue of him paying her rent till the end of the yr but I am not going to do so, the reason, my family is worth $12,000. I know this will stick in the back of my mind, especailly when I want to buy something or go somewhere but I am going to try NEVER to bring it back up.<P>Of course if OW, was any type of person, she move out or something but I doubt if she will.<P>Today will most likely be the day, everything comes to ahead. it looks as if we are staying, but more in a day or two, one son is all ready out of school & the other will be back in a few hrs.<BR>

You know, you are as tough as steel -<P>Just thinking about you and hoping you get some relief. I admire you tremendously.<P>Dave

What Dave said (thanks for saying it so succinctly and well, Dave)...<P>(((((Steel)))))<P>You're getting hugs from me every day!!!!!!!!!!!!