I need some advice. My H PA has been over for about 6 os so months as far as I know. It's been off and on for 3 years. I discovered it on several occasions. I just recently discovered that he is viewing porn on the internet again. He has done this off and on for several years. I can not help but wonder if his PA was part of this addiction. They emailed each other dirty messages and phoned each other the same on occasion (she sent tapes and emails to me). She sent him pictures of herself and of them together, which thankfully she did not share with me. We went to counseling for quite some time. I am very upset by this as this proves he is lying to me. Just last night he made the comment that we should change internet service due to the AOL rate hike, which is no big deal since he every only goes to the bank website, fishing website and iwon.com. I never said anything, it was an out and out lie, and I knew it. How do I confront him. He has spent our whole marriage lying to me. I did not even know that I was his 4th wife until the affair was brought to my attention and it came up. He just decided 3 sounded better than 4. I've been married 4 times as well so it should not have made him feel bad. If he is lying about this what else is he lying about? His sex drive is low and has been for the last 4 years. I would like sex at least 2-3 times a week. He doesn't seem that interested???? why the interest in these other women??? How do I talk to him. what has worked for you? I don't want to love bust, but I do want to know if there are any more lies! I know he feels a lot of shame and it seems that he may have the need to do things that cause him to feel quilt and shame. Does that make sense? he deletes the files on the computer, he is very good at it. I installed a monitoring device and discovered it. I felt he was hiding something and was not getting any answers from him. Help me please...... I don't know where to start. This is such a vicious cycle!!!

Are you married to my husband???haha I know what your going through. This computer has been the wedge in our marriage. I don't mind the porno viewing I think it's a gut thing, but when it goes farther than that is when I have a problem. My H has gone as far as calling another W and having phone sex with her. I have brought it up and he gets angry. Doesn't know why he does it it has nothing to do with me, etc. the H*** it doesn't. I made it clear I would not tolerate the one-on-one converstaions. Is this something you would end your marriage over? If so let him know. We have small children that I'm not in the financial position to raise by myself but he also know that won't be the case forever. Our sex life is at a complete standstill. I really am not that interested anyway because of all the lies and hurt. I don't think I can ever feel the same about him again. He says it's not an affair because there was no physical contact. WHATEVER. Hang in there and good luck

Please..... I really need some help with this. any and all advice and opinions are appreciated. I am having this feeling of worthlessness. why does he continue to lie to me with such a straight face? how do I know when he is telling me the truth? I want my marriage to work out, but I'm not sure what he wants. I only know what he says. How can he say he wants to stay in our marriage and still lie to me and cover up his porno viewing? Is this the only thing he is lying about?

I know I keep posting to my own post but I really need someone to offer some advice. Maybe by keeping it going someone will read it. I have to go home (I'm at work) so I won't be able to check until morning. I will try hard not to LB and wait until I get some sort of feedback. I am very sad at this point. I feel like I am in a vicious cycle. Please??????

jo4cora,<P>I did a quick search on GQII and thought the following might be of interest. It lists many good books on dealing with and overcoming sexual addiction.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008606.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008606.html</A> <P>I will look for other threads, as I remember there be a few in the past five months that I have been on the boards.<P><P>------------------<BR>Never give up. Never, never give up.<BR>~ Winston Churchill

Here`s another:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000821.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000821.html</A> <P>

Here is a very recent thread, asking some of the questions you have asked:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/004272.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/004272.html</A> <P>I hope some of these threads help.<BR>

I guess what I am trying to get at is that I don't know how to go about confronting him with this. I am tired of the lies. I understand why people are attracted to porn, etc... It's the lying and covering up that is getting to me. My whole marriage is just one lie and cover up after another. I don't want to LB. But I do want to have a rational conversation. I know he will just say he won't do it again and that he is sorry. He always says what he thinks I want to hear and whatever will end the conversation the fastest. It has nothing to do with being truthful with him. He just doesn't want to deal with it but would never admit to that. He'll say "What do you want me to say?" "Whatever you want me to do I will do" "I promise I won't do it anymore" etc, blah, blah, blah..... How do I go about having a real conversation about the lies?? Is this the only lie? He of course, will say it is.<BR>Do I ask him an open ended question such as "I know you have not been honest with me and are hiding things, I would like to give you this time to be honest and tell me what is going on?" In the past I have ALWAYS had to prove what evidence I had before he would admit to anything. And then he only admits to what I have evidence about. There was always more. There may be more this time. What do I do? Do I just talk to him about this and then wait to see what else surfaces??? This is terribly old!!!! <BR>Help!!!!

Hi,<P>I'm sorry you feel you haven't gotten a proper response and I'm not sure mine will be useful or not.<P>My H did the internet porn, chat rooms, cable pay-per-view porn movies and secret email addys to exchange pics. with women.<P>I didn't understand the need for all this and my H would lie to me over and over about his usage. It got to where I stopped asking the questions because I knew he was just going to lie.<P>Last week a co-worker of my H's told him he'd been attending a bible study using the book <B>Every Man's Battle</B> and invited my H to attend. My H went to one class and opened up about some things I knew, but he lied about. I, too, always needed concrete evidence against him.<P>In the beginning of this book it asks questions and if you answer yes to some or all of them then it explains how it's an addiction.<P>My H answered yes to most of them. It really opened his eyes to his sexual sins and I think this book was a turning point for him.<P>Please check out this book. There is also a section for the wives at the end of each chapter.<P>I do think if you could engage him in a non-combative conversation then he might open up, but I'm not sure. Buy the book and have him answer the questions.<P>Good luck!<P>