We had second counseling session today. It was supposed to be split between me and him. His went over and I only got a few minutes. H was visibly upset. I think counselor punched a few holes in his fantasyland. <P>I will have the whole session next week, then him again.<P>He was crying as we left. I hugged him and asked if he wanted to go somewhere and talk and he said no. We went home and had dinner. He watched the game. We chatted normally.<P>Then, he just asked if he could go for a drive. I said, of course, and if you need to talk I'll just listen. I said "I love you." <P>I am so scared. But for some reason, I have a sense of peace. Pray for him to have clarity and me to have strength.<P>Thanks.<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7

Dear Cali,<P>Tears can be a sign. However, please be careful. Healing takes time and not always in a forward momentum. Don't set your hopes to high. Instead let H surprise you by showing how much he is willing to make chanages. You be the supportive one as best as you can. <P>He could be in a very confused state and may still show you anger when he is really angry at himself. Learn to differentiate between anger towards himself vs his being upset at something you actually did do. <P>I am happy if your H is thinking. I hope his progress continues. In the meantime, strengthen yourself. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Cali- glad you posted to let me know how youre doing. What I"ve gone thru the last 4 mo is SO similar to what youre going thru now. Orchid is so right when she says learn to separate what H's anger is about himself from whatever YOU have done. He is probably angry, ashamed and depressed about what he has done and of course you are the nearest and most comfortable target for him. The best thing you can do when this occurs is GO somewhere to change your own mood and not get drawn into long discussions while he's reeling from confusion. also- if you're against divorce dont discuss it in very much detail with him as this will lead you into ugly fights.I had to find a lawyer since H filed on me but I found out that whenever we started in with the "My lawyers says THIS... it went DOWNHILL from there as his and mine said opposite things to us. I learned to say," You know God says divorce is wrong and I will never agree to one. Its not the right answer to our situation.I will not make it easy for you to divorce me against my will." Say it calmly and dont get all worked up. I had to do this every wk or two when H would get so depressed that he wanted a D to 'end his confusion.' Yet I knew deep down he didnt REALLY want to move out and live away from our kids. In a way even though I love my H so much I had to emotionally detach somewhat to lessen the pain he was causing me from all his confusion.Keep strong and keep posting- lifeismessy...clean it up!