OK, I know not to place too much emphasis on day-to-day WS antics, but something is going on.<P>My wife has been to my house three days in a row. Of course, this coincides with the arrival of our new au pair, so I imagine she's trying to get in on the ground floor with her. She has also called me several times regarding our son's activities, but with a lower threshold than usual. She's been real nice. Could be that OM is just out of town, but I sent her a nice love letter on our anniversary a few weeks ago - to which she didn't respond - so it's hard for me to imagine why she would allow herself to get closer if she really intended to follow through with her stated intent to file for divorce by August.<P>Yet, there was this exchange last evening. The setting was that <son> had to go to a "mandatory" meeting about the confirmation class at her church (she "became" Catholic because "just friend" OM is a good Catholic ). OM's wife had called me to see if my wife was going to this meeting with <son> (her 12 yo daughter is in the same class, and she won't allow her to be around my wife). Apparently, parents were expected to attend. My wife comes in the house to bring some papers for my son to take to the meeting:<P>Her: (to <son> ) Here's the information you need.<BR>Me: What is this meeting about?<BR>Her: Confirmation class.<BR>Me: Are parents supposed to go?<BR>Her: Well, I imagine some parents will be going.<BR>Me: Are you going?<BR>Her: No, because <OM's W> will likely be there and it's your night with <son>.<BR>Me: (The only way should could know about <OM's W> being there is from OM - maybe he's not out of town) I know, <Om's W> left me a message asking if you were going so she could avoid you.<BR>Her: Oh, brother!<BR>Me: Well, it sounds like parents are expected, so I think you should go. This is your project.<BR>Her: Did you tell her I was going?<BR>Me: No, I didn't tell her anything - I didn't call her back.<BR>Her: I can't go if <OM's W> will be there! I don't want <son> exposed to that. (What she means is that she doesn't want to be confronted by OM's W in the presence of our son.) Will you go with him?<BR>Me: (long pause) Yea, but I don't like being the default solution to problems between you and <OM's W>.<BR>Her: She's the one with the problem, I'm just trying to live my life.<P>Well, I took <son> and sure enough, <OM's W> was there. Of course, this is her opportunity to try to recruit me to be her supporter and milk me for information. I finally gave her a copy of SAA a month and a half ago, but as I expected, she cannot get out of the angry attack mode. I answered a few of her questions with, "I don't know," and left.<P>Anyway, my wife went through a similar "friendly" phase after Christmas that ended when I committed a HUGE LB. So, that won't happen again. Regardless, Plan B is imminent (waiting for school to end).<P>Just rambling. Seems like something may be stirring the fog.<P>WAT

My personal , tested only one time on myself therory, is that they sence you are pulling away when you have your plan B letter written and are ready to go to it soon.<P>Keep up the flawless plan A for your set time period.<BR>Lora

Worthatry,<BR>You know she could have put the papers in the mailbox, but she chose to enter the house and converse with you. <P>I agree with Lora, even though the WS initiates the separation and builds the walls, some of them still tend to peek through to see what the BS is up to. And the WS tends to expect the BS to always be the same...afterall, if the BS "never changes", the WS has reason to continue on their path.<P>We got into the "push/pull" so drastically I referred to it as the "death spiral". He'd pull away, I'd cling. Then I couldn't take the rejection anymore and would pull away...and the next thing my H would be moving back home. I don't think you and your W are doing anything quite that wide-swinging, it was a pattern more marked in my marriage than some others, but something to watch for.<P>Under your circumstances, your Plan B may be very effective. She's used to your love and being there for her. My H tells me now that he always knew I loved him through the bad times and that our home was here for him...then when I really withdrew and did not want him to come home, he was able to clearly see what he wanted.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

I agree with Lor. I never had to do Plan B, BUT, H did withdraw and tell me it was over blah blah blah. I kept plugging right along in my Plan A. When he finally came to his senses, he admitted noticing all the changes that I made and being impressed but he wanted to wait and see if it was going to "stick". <BR>I never knew this until he decided that we could work things out. Then he told me how pleasant I was and how nice it was to be at home. <BR>You just never know......

Dave,<P>You have already been given advice & insight from 3 very wise ladies. Listen to it. You know our Plan B letter maybe very effective, your W is going to hate losing control over your life.<P>

I hate to say this, although I think I have before, but I inadvertantly Plan B'd my ex-H when I left... and funny thing (not funny, actually ) is that just today he called me (haven't talked to him like this for months) and told me what a jerk he's been, he misses me, wishes we could go back to the way it was... ...sigh... because... the way it was... was... um, terrible. (Just see my kazillion posts!)<P>But my point is, Plan B works, if what you want is for the spouse to realize what they'll miss when you're not around to pick up the pieces.

The friendly acts are kind of hard to figure out. But better to be that way before a Plan B than having little contact or strained contact. Good timing.<P>I hope that you see more positive things leading up to Plan B. We've both been going about this for almost a year, so it seems that Plan B might be the only way to shake up the nest. Something that won't be expected, so the results are very unpredictable.