I was wondering if other BS's find that the OP shows up in their dreams--maybe this could be a little survey? I found that after D-day, I had a lot of dreams in which I would encounter the OW. In the dreams, I was always very angry and wanted to throttle her, but what I ended up doing in each dream was shouting at her, "Do you know what you've done? Do you realize the pain you've brought to all our lives??", as if I needed to hear her admit her part in the mess. For a long time, I didn't dream about her-last night I had another. This one was different. I saw her, was trying to explain something to her, and then I realized my H was beside me, holding my hand, standing with me--we were together, looking at her through a window. She was outside. I couldn't see my H's face, worried that he might be looking at her with emotion, but knew he was making it clear to her that he had chosen to stay with me. I wonder if this means that, in my subconscious, I believe my H might be sincere this time in wanting to build our M? Any thoughts?? Thanks, octavia99

Hi Octavia,<P>This issue affects all parts of our lives. While I am not a dream analyst, I too, have had many dreams. The ones about H leaving the family surrounded by many women, laughing at our family and us frantically working clean 'shrimp' in a large stainless steel sink was a reoccurring nightmare for me for about 3 weeks. YUCK and stinky!!!!! Even our little 6 year old had nightmares about his dad being there but not helping us. My son's was about he & I being in a small row boat, his dad in another row and a large wooden toy soldier taking us out of the boat and flinging us around then throwing us into a large pile of hay. All the while his father just sat there and watched. When we finally returned to that little row boat, his father was gone. Our poor son had that dream reoccur for several days and he was SCARED!!! Makes me mad.<P>That was not the end of it. More dreams came. The latest for me was a dream that I recently had (this week) about H bringing OW to our home to paint. She started to remove her 'paint' clothes and more (remember, she is the one who sent a picture of herself where the sun don't shine to H and I had the unfortunate incident of seeing that pic). In taht dream, I told her to get out of my house and never come back. Then I saw H talking to her out in the driveway and I also told him to leave. Go figure, that whole conversation of me telling both of them off was out loud. I could not help myself. H heard the whole thing. He woke up scared and asked if I was talking to him. At the same time, because of the dream, I was angry at him. It was kind of funny, H did look scared and I was mad. Hm...... I told H about the dream and he got quiet. <P>So will you continue to have dreams? Possibly. Should you be concerned about the 'meaning'? I'm not. It just makes me aware of how deeply affected our family is (my son & I) and how important it is to either work on our marriage or go on with our lives. <P>Even though H is home and appears to be trying. I am skeptical. I will not set myself up to be hurt again. H knows where I stand and can make it with or without him. <P>This knowledge helps me stay strong. <P>Take Care. It is ok to get some rest. You won't dream every night. <P>L. <BR> <BR>

Thanks, Orchid. I wasn't really trying to go Jungian with the interpretation, but I do wonder what the emotions behind the dreams are. I've never been one to repress my emotions, but my emotions are all over the place since this A biz. started. It seemed to me that just when I would consciously decide I could take no more of the whole situation and was going to give up on my H and the M (this was pre-MB or SAA), I would have a dream involving my H wherein we were loving and wonderful to each other. I'd wake up and lose all my resolve, because I knew I still loved him too much to throw in the towel.<P>Your cleaning shrimp nightmare and your poor little son's nightmare are so sad. I had one like that, with WH standing by callously while something horrible happened. Not pleasant.<P>Then there are the dreams wherein it seems your rational self is trying to tell your emotional self something--in one, I was trying to get to a ship that was about to sail on a blustery evening; I didn't want to get on the ship but knew I had to; I was carring all the paper notes I had for my dissertation loose in my arms. When I stepped onto the wooden pier, it was slippery and planks were missing and the wind caught my notes and started to blow them around. I was frantic, thought my work would be lost by being blown into the water. Then two scholars in my area of specialty suddenly appeared and helped me gather the papers and walk towards the ship. Pretty damn literal dream (my work is tied up with our joint project and has been in jeopardy since the A issue began, finishing the diss. is a must for me now).<P>Anyway, it can be interesting to hear/tell about the dream thing, especially since, as you said, what we are all going through affects us on all levels. And I guess the WS's are no exception. I have, like you, apparently talked in my sleep during some of the dreams/nightmares, but so has my H. Whenever I would wake up to hear sounds coming from him, I braced myself for the worst--the name of the OW, derisive laughter, etc. It was never that--it was always pitiful groans of agony and shouts of "No!" as if he were being tormented. It helped me realize he has been feeling very much pain in this as well.<P>Best wishes to all MBs for peaceful sleep!! octavia99 <p>[This message has been edited by octavia99 (edited June 01, 2001).]