I haven't spoken to or seen MM in a week---I know that's not long, but it IS a start. I haven't really thought about him that much because of a situation that is almost, if not equally drama enthralled. You see, I am in a National Guard unit and last year during our 2 week annual training, I became involved with a man in my unit. At the time, he was going through a divorce and was already living in his own apt. Well, when we got back from the 2 week training, he came to see me at home ( he also lives in a different town about an hour from my home and 2 hours from school) at least once or twice a week and he asked me to let him help me move into the dorms instead of having my parents take me and then he drove to my school to see me at least once sometimes twice a week. I told MM about it and we agreed to stop seeing each other then because I can not be involved with 2 men at the same time, that's just me. This man that was going through the divorce had two kids with his wife and part of their separation agreement was for him to continue paying the mortgage on their house so that she and the kids would not have to move. He is a police officer and worked two other part time jobs so I was happy that I did get to see him as much as I did. Anyway, while visiting him at his apartment, I noticed there was a picture of another child in his home right alongside his other two kids. Since his brother stayed with him occationally, I thought it was his brother's child. Then one day, I just asked him who it was and he told me that he had an affair and that she was also his child. I asked about her mother and he said they weren't talking at the time. the little girl was 18 months old at the time. No biggie, by this time i had already developed very strong feelings for him and even my mother and stepfather commented on what a good influence he was on me---especailly since after I get my degree, I want to become a police officer. He is one of the most fair and impartial officers I've ever met. Well, his visits and phone calls started slacking off--we called each other EVERY day, 3 or 4 times a day, and I asked him why. He didn't tell me at first but after a few weeks of not seeing him, I asked him again at drill (our one weekend a month duty) and he told me that he and his daughter's mom started talking again and that they realized it was just a misunderstanding or a miscommunication as to why they stopped talking in the first place. That REALLY hurt, but we remained friends and maintained the attraction to each other, but what could I do? She lives in the same town he does and it's a lot easier for him to drive 2 minutes around the corner than two hours both ways. We saw each other a total of 2 times (outside of drill) after he decided to tell me he was back with his baby's mother. And once again, I started talking to MM again...not because I used him as a rebound though. He just happened to call maybe a month after things cooled off with me and the police officer. Well, May 12-27 we had our annual training again, and we started talking again and we got a lot of things out on the table. Then when we got back, he started calling me again, just like the good old days. Yesterday, he came to see me and we were intimate. Sunday, we had a conversation about sex and we were talking about how you don't do everything with everybody---somethings you save for people that you love. Well, yesterday, he did one of the things that he says you're only supposed to do for people you love. Afterwards, when we were just talking, he said that he wasn't distancing himself from me because he didn't love me, he was just trying to protect me because of his situation and with him having to work so much to pay two mortgae payments and for three kids. I really have deep feelings for him, and since he is divorced now, I feel like he is on a more obtainable level than MM is. I'm just not quite sure of what the situation with his baby's mom is right now though. The feelings I have for him are different than the ones I have for MM simply because I've known MM a lot longer. I don't want to be his OW anymore---not just because of the cop, it's just the right thing to do---but I don't want to hurt his feelings either.

About your "cop" friend. Something I learned a long time ago is that a person is not really available emotionally until at least a year after their divorce. And this man has a double wammy. He is dealing with his divorce and with the relationship with his OW. This man is not available emotionally. He will only hurt you as he has the other two women in his life. It seems that as you get to know him, more and more detail comes to light. No telling what else he has to hide.<P>Tell me, how much remorse does he have for what he has done? Dr. Harley suggests that a person speak to the others in their partner's life before marrying them. I bet you would get a very interesting and different picture of this man if you spoke to his exwife and his other OW.<P>Since you dated him while he was still married, you are also an OW in this situation. You need to ask yourself why you are attracted to men who are emotionally tied up in marriages and other affairs. You are a yound woman in an environment where there are plenty of single young men. Do some soul searching. Why does this type of situation appeal to you?<P>Z

tooweak,<P>I have been reading your posts and have refrained from posting until now. I hope that you don't take this as being harsh.<P>I think the screen name says a lot. You are young and on a campus with many eligable guys, yet you are attracted to men who should be off limits to you. Are you afraid of making a committment? Is that why you pick unavailable men? Have you ever considered seeing a counselor? It seems like you are courting emotional disaster. I think that you should get help in addition to visiting this board. You deserve to have your own man, free and clear. You deserve to have a life that is filled with truth, not lies and deceit. Bobbing back and forth between them can not be doing any good for you or your studies. Its time for you to take a deep breath and move on.<P>take care,<BR>cleo

for the longest time, all I dated was single men...and EVERY SINGLE TIME, I was cheated on...no matter how good I was to them. I've cooked, cleaned, and been very good friends to all of my boyfriends and there was nothing that (well, I thought nothing) they wanted for that I wouldn't try my best to get for them---even if it meant me doing without something that I wanted. So I don't whole heartedly believe in what goes around comes around because if it did, all the love that I have shown others would have surely been returned to me. It just seems like once I got involved with ONE MM they seemed to start coming out of the woodworks. I have not changed my demeanor or anything and I carry myself as a lady, not a slutty tramp who seeks out married men, they just seem to approach and for the most part, I shoot them down. These two however just have some kind of hold on me. I learned today that my cop friend and<BR>his baby's mom have called it quits...for now anyway. He didn't say for now, I said that because once again, he still has to see her because they have a child together and they might end up recommunicating again.

If you did all you said you did for the single guys you are trying way too hard to please them. I would suggest that you get a book names "The Rules". Also read "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". Read them (pretty please)... men do not want a woman for what she can do for them. They want a a woman as a love and a companion.<P>I've learned a lot from these books... hope you do too.<P>Z <P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare