Hi,<BR>Can anyone give me advice on how to regain trust back and how to deal with jealous feelings. H decided to work on marriage and stop contact with EA with OW in April, I found out that he has still been talking to her, when I found out they were still having contact a few weeks ago I told him to decide who he wants he agreed again he wants marriage with me. When we are toghter we are fine talking and close, but the OW works five minuets from him for the same company,she pages him from 10 to 22 being the most times in one day! Since he works so close to her and is two hours away from where we live and knowing she pages him so much I can't seem to deal with the jealous feelings and wondering if he is telling me the truth when he says they have not spoken. I seem to hold everything in and then something will trigger a insucure outburst on my part.I also don't know if this was right or wrong but when I found out they were talking again two weeks ago called her and told her he is a married man with two kids and where does she think he is when she pages him as early as 7:30 am and as late as 12:00 pm on the weekends she told me she does not call him he calls her and he told her our marriage had been over for a long time. Told my H this and all he said was she said that to you!! Then talked and talked to me and began telling me I love you every now and then a few days after that. Any one who can help me deal with these hurt jealous feelings please do I hate feeling this way always wondering what will happen next.

I can't really help you but I would like to see some replies because I have the SAME EXACT problem. It's been 3 years since my husbands affair and I still get the jealous feelings. And my mind starts running when he has to stay at work late and all. I mean he only works 2 minutes down the road from our house and I could come up there anytime but it still makes me wonder. I still do the same exact thing you do...I hold it in and then I have this rage that comes out of me and I fly off the handle. I have also called the girl at work and still do sometimes and warn her, don't even think about starting to talk to him again because I will make you wish you would have never met him. I know, harsh words but that's the hatefulness coming out of me for what she did! So I was in your shoes 3 years ago and I hope he can quit all contact with her and really work on your marriage together! My husband has changed totally in a great way! Work on it together and hopefully all this will come to past.

PHK, it seems that H is lying to both U and OW or OW is trying to come between you. If the marriage has been over then why does OW think H is still living with you? Why hasn't H changed his pager # to avoid OW calls? I think either a NO CONTACT letter should be written to OW if he reallys wants to work on his marriage, but then again he could say that you forced him too do that. Or you could do what I did, and confront BOTH of them. It doesn't have to be a confrontational thing, and I doubt H will agree to it. But understand that H is in the fog and it sounds like H wants to keep both you and OW on hand. It is time to make some changes, either with PLAN A or PLAN B, but something is not right here, because you are getting 2 different stories.

You know, I think as a BS (my initials actually, go figure) that trusting again is our biggest, most difficult challenge. After all, our trust was completely abused and used against us by our WS's! I don't know about you, but I want to protect myself from ever being hurt like that again!<P>One year since DDay - I trust my H is not contacting OW etc but now I question things in general more and we actually recently had quite a "discussion" about it as I had been questioning him on something he hadn't told me.(not A related) I'll spare you the long and actually boring details, but needless to say he was upset that my trust wasn't completely back. (lots of other stuff arose in the discussion)<P>Okay - more to my story. My H has been working out of town for over three months now!! He did surprise me on Easter weekend and came home for a visit and then for the Cdn May long weekend. Very nice time, very good sex, very good everything....But, let's face it three months is a hell of a long time to be away and he's on his own in a big city in a nice hotel...<P>The other night, I was still kinda "stewing" about our discussion and had sent him a mushy email which he hadn't responded to. He wasn't in his hotel and his cell phone was off when I was trying to reach him, so I did something I don't usually do - checked his messages on his cell. What do I get?? Two rather drunken sounding messages from a woman who is wondering where he is, wants to see him in person and not leave a message, misses him....etc..she's at her hotel room....(not the same one thank God). SO - this just gets me going...to top it off, when his buddy had visited him a few weeks ago, he gave my H a condom (I found it when he was visiting here). My H wasn't nervous at all about it and laughed and said to me oh *** gave that to me, cause I'm so far away from home, just in case the devil gets into me.etc etc etc and he was chuckling about it and really - I believe him, because he didn't try to conceal it, he didn't act suspiciously at all and, well, hey, I trust him...right?? <P>SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - back to the voice mail - I'm in a state needless to say - can't reach him at his hotel, etc etc. Finally call him at 6am (he's 2 hrs ahead of me)- his usual wakeup time and I reach him. (he also uses two alarm clocks) He had slept thru my previous call - which again I have to believe because he is a DEEP sleeper and works long hours (film industry). He was truly surprised at my concern, and had absolutely NO IDEA who this Cathy woman was who left two messages on his cell. He phoned later that day and asked me again - what was this call? He was truly perplexed by it and we can only figure that some drunken woman dialed his number in error, didn't really listen to his message and left messages intended for someone else. I joked with him last night on the phone, asking if he had any more calls from the mystery woman and he said no and we both had a bit of a laugh. I do believe him. I apologized for doing something I shouldn't have by checking his voice mail, but said in a way I put myself through one hellish night for nothing -kinda the "pay back" for snooping.<P>Now I'm sure some of you would be holding up giant red flags right now! My H has been pretty calm about the voice mail thing and he is somewhat upset that I did it because he really is working on the trust thing which is important to him. He's really been great! He wants the complete trust back, but I now want assurances. It's still a struggle.<P>Sorry PHK, I used your thread to "spill my guts" here, but I guess the point is our trust is a precious precious thing and once it has been damaged and abused it is a long process to truly "get it back". And for the WS it is frustrating because now they need the trust to feel like they are making things work. I firmly believe it can be done though and I am striving to re-establish my trust completely in my H. <P>I don't have any idea if my blabbering has helped you, or shed any light on the situation, but thanks for letting me blab!!!<BR>Hang in there - God Bless.<P>

Thanks for the replys I hope they keep coming. Today is a very bad day. I agree my H is having his cake and eat it, he just called me and went into the trust issue and told me how he is trying to give 100% to our relationship but also that he feels if we had a connection he would not have went to the OW I asked him when he works long hours which is all the time gets home at 10-11 pm every night and leaves 5:30am every morning if he misses me and the kids he said he does not realy think about it, I told him at this point I only want some reassurance he said he understands and is trying. In answer to why he hasn't changed his beeper, we had a big talk about that a few weeks ago and he won't change it his reason being it's his buisness #, deep down I know it is his way of keeping contact with her because all his buisness calls go to his cell phone and when I did my searching got all records from pager service for the past three months ALL except for three were from her! Please pray for me at this point I want to give the whole relationship up but I love the man so much, but I want him here with me because he truly wants to be with me and not her.