Okay, so my husband is still in fog-land and is acting very strange lately. I know I should look at the positive in what he is doing, but it is SO hard! I need someone to give me a kick in the butt and say "he did XXXX, it's a good sign, hope's not lost!"<P>So, here's what's up with me. My husband got his apartment (after borrowing $950 for me for security/1st month). It starts today, but he tells me he's not moving in today, or tomorrow... ?? He did end up getting a pay by the month place, since it is a "temporary" move.<P>The past two nights he has spent about 1/2 hour on the couch with me cuddling me and kissing me passionately (not sexual). The first night, I had no idea why, it was just out of the blue. Last night he asked if he stayed with me on the couch for a while if it would help me sleep (I've been having nightmares), I said yes, so he did. It makes me wonder if he was just there to try and help me sleep, or if he really wanted to be there...<P>He's been real cuddly the last two days. Yesterday he just grabbed me while he was laying in bed resting and laid me next to him to cuddle. I made the mistake of asking him if he missed us, he said yes. And me too? He says no, I say not even a little, and he says no. That made me sad. He said he was going to miss the kids when he left.<P>I have not been initiating these "cuddle" sessions in the least bit, in fact I've been kind of terse towards him. Yet, he is doing it. Sometimes I think he just wants to make me feel better because he knows I'm going through a rough time and I still mean nothing to him.<P>Then, he's talking about getting furniture for his place, but he says he wants to get lousy stuff since it is just temporary and it wouldn't make sense if he came back. Then I talk about something that would happen if he stayed apart from us and he says, well yeah, IF I don't come back.<P>Then I talked to him about displacing all the anger/unhappinesss he's had over the past two years to me and how that isn't right and that it MEANS something. He just says, yeah you're right, but you can handle it, our daughter can't (she really ticks him off and instead of getting mad at her, he compiles anger inside of him directed at me).<P>Of course, it's getting harder for him to displace his anger now and he's been alot meaner to the kids (that's why I had to put them in daycare). He says, THIS IS WHY I NEED TO LEAVE.<P>Sigh. I realize my husband needs help and needs to go to a C, but he won't. I just want to believe he still cares for me and loves me. I feel it, but he just says NO. He really is a wonderful/nice guy deep inside, but I don't know who this person is that is living with me now. I tell him he is a good person deep inside and he just gets real mad and says "NO!". He even told me yesterday that he does not feel like he is himself right now. I keep telling him I want my old husband back because I am ashamed of this one and I don't like him.<P>The counselor and I both think he is saying alot of these hurtful things so he can try to convince himself it's true. I guess all I can do is let him go and hope he gets help eventually. It's so sad really, I feel so helpless.<P>I guess we'll see how it goes when he moves out...

Hey Hurt,<P>[[[[[hugs]]]]].<P>I am sorry you are hurting today. We all know the feeling. Don't question the cuddling. Just do it. I quit asking my H questions and I feel much better. He's not ready to give me the answers I want to hear, why let myself be disappointed?<P>Thank God for when he is with you. Enjoy your time together. Could asking him all those q's be an LB for him?<P>I went on an antidepressant and it has really let me be less anxious and able to focus on something else other than the state of my marriage. (Thank goodness, I had three papers to do for today for a college class and though I've had five weeks to do them, I didn't start until Wed. )<P>Do something nice for yourself. I have bought a couple of nice outfits, colored and cut my hair, bought different makeup....all my collegues and friends are noticing the changes in me. (H does too, he just doesn't mention it.)<P>You will be in my thoughts and prayers.<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7

Thanks Cali. It's so weird to say that because that's my oldest daughter's name, Kali (pronounced Cali). <P>I too am on the same anti-depressant as you (Celexa). I think it helps somewhat, not sure how much yet. <P>Actually I went shopping yesterday and bought 3 new outfits. I had to do something I've lost 3 inches on my waist and 20 lbs, so all my clothes are way too baggy! Hubby wanted me to try them on for him and model them. He said I looked really hot and I know it turned him on. No news there though, he has never lost his sex drive towards me. He has always thought I was very attractive. His EA was not sexual, it was for other reasons all inside his head.<P>I have cut back on asking questions like that, I just was in his arms and it felt so nice, he was kissing my head and playing with my hair and I just thought the answer would be YES, he missed me, so I took a chance. Oh well.<P>Oh, did I mention that he is planning on taking me out for my birthday this weekend? Originally it was just supposed to be the two of us, but now he wants to do something with the kids cuz' it doesn't FEEL right just going with me. I told him I'm not a charity case and if he's going to do something do it cuz' he wants to not cuz' he feels he has to. He said not to worry, it will be fun and he wants to.<P>Sigh. I have come to the realization that my H really needs help. He is just not there mentally. The problem is not me, or even the way he thinks of me (relative to him I'm talking), it's all inside his head and his problem. It's so sad really. Especially since I don't think he'll ever go to counseling and get help. He'll be like this for the rest of his life, and I can't let me/kids be a part of this new person. He is too volatile/angry/hurtful. I just pray he comes to his senses soon before it is too late. I will be going to Plan B in about 4 weeks if things don't improve (have to wait until my daughter is out of school).<P>

Oh hurt, I know only too well.<P>My H isn't even angry. We have very calm nights together. He too is sexual with me (but says he doesn't want to be that way with me anymore.)<P>You can see my HELP! HELP! post for rest of update.<P>I think he is going to have to go to get some clarity. Maybe he'll realize what we had together was real, maybe he won't. But I am going to have to be strong and let him go.<P>My plan b will probably have to wait until end of summer. We are both teachers and didn't plan for the summer very well. There is hope I will get a consulting job and then I can plan b immediately. Time will tell.<P>Good Luck.<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7