I posted here a few days ago and need some advice....BAD. I don't have proof that my husband is cheating on me except for little things here and there that indicate he is. I have a phone number of OW that I think he is involved with. He comes home after work, he sleeps and eats at home. He usually goes out on the weekends around 10 to 2-3 in the morning. Occasionally, he'll come home late from work but thats usually 2-3 hours. He is always home for dinner and sleep. I just found the address of the phone number yesterday. Should I confront the OW? Via phone or personally give her a visit at the restaurant. I'm afraid that I might be wrong. What if they are just friends? I don't want to look like an idiot but I'm more than 90% sure my husband is having an affair. What should I do. Things between us are fine except for when I start questioning him and confronting him about this issue. We are getting along fine now. He says he has a dinner party to go to that has to do with his work and I asked him when he'll be done and, like usually, he doesn't give me a straight answer. It just drives me crazy because I have all these thoughts going through my head. I'm trying to just let him do whatever he wants and trying not to question him too much. Am I wrong for wanting to do this. Will it just make him believe that he can do whatever he wants. He WEARS the pants in this relationship. Very controlling and dominating. I have days where I can deal with these thoughts pretty well but then there are those days where all I want to do is go stalking and try to find out as much info as I can. Is this normal.<P>P.S. This site has helped me so much. If anything, it gives me a place to vent out frustrations and thoughts and get insight from other people who are going through what I am. Thank you to all those that reply.

If your husband has a dinner party, then he should take you. That is usually how it is done. Why is he going without you.<P>Where does he tell you he is going at 10-3 on weekends? This alone is unacceptable.<P>My suggestion is that the next time he goes out, follow him. If he goes to the dinner party by himself follow him and find out. <P>If you have an address check the place out. I assume it is a house. Then when he is out at night do a drive by. <P>If he has a computer at home, put a monitoring software on it. Check out "www.iopus.com". There are also techniques for checking his email.<P>If you think he may be calling her from your house, then bug it. Radio Shack has a device that plugs between a phone and a tape recorder. This device allows turns the recorder on when the phone is picked up. It works great! <BR> <BR>Normally I would suggest that you not practice dishonesty with your husband. However, since he is doing nothing to make you feel save, loved and secure, I feel you have the right to protect yourself. Remember, adultry can be deadly with AIDS and other SIDS. And then there is the emotional and mental harm. At this point you might not want to tell him. Not till you know for sure one way or the other.<P>A friend of mine put a small, voice activated tape recorder in her husband's car. She Duct taped it to the bottom of the driver's seat. She found out that her H was meeting a woman at lunch and having sex in the car in a hotel parking lot.<P>Now, if you do all this snooping you very well might find out things that will hurt you. Be ready for this, do not confront him the first time you find something unless you are sure you have all the information you need. If you go to him with partial info, he will blow you off and try to make you feel quitly for snooping and deny, deny, deny. You will have to be strong. This is hard. If you cannot handle it, then don't snoop, just start Plan A until you have the relationship you want.<P>Right now you have nothing to confront the OW about. And this is really between you and your husband. She is NOTHING to you. Always remember that. You are his wife. If I were you I'd only do enough detective work to find out if he is having an affair, it's duration and if it is EA/PA or both. You really do not need too many details. They will only hurt you more.<P>In the mean time, if you have not already done so, you might want to read "Surviving an Affair", the other Dr. Harley books, and the material on this web site.<BR> <BR>Good Luck<BR>Z<P>

If I had to do it over again (early days of my suspicion), I would first find a private place to watch the house you have the address for, and try to see them together. Maybe borrow a friends care with tinted windows, or whatever.<P>If I found that there was something, I would consider a private investigator to get documented proof that he is having an affair. Things like the monitoring software as Zorweb mentioned, good ideas.<P>I think that the coming home really late, not giving straight answers, and all that, are definite signs that something is not right. It is all too common. Usually when you suspect, you are right.<P>However, anyone having an affair is going to deny it, many times even when you have proof. So beware of this. Even if you think you found something, come on here and discuss it first before reacting. If you allow yourself to react immediately, you'll cause an uproar, and just anger him. It is unfortunate that we have to play these games, but just always take a deep breath and think....and post here because there so much good advice.<P>Just keep your eyes peeled, and monitor things. If you know where the dinner party is, it wouldn't hurt to somehow watch him at that, or coming or leaving.<P>Your thoughts are normal, and it sounds like you are handling this well.<P>Do you have kids?<P>My wife used to stay out till anywhere from 1 till even 6 AM one time. She had every excuse in the book for why this would happen...but it usually means one thing. However, you are in your own situation, so you'll have to find out yourself.<P>Take care, and probably the best advice is to Plan A. Read and learn about it and do it. It takes alot of time to see results. The finding out about the A is kind of secondary, although I'd want to know. It is hard not to focus on that. We all do it. I snooped alot, because I wanted to know what I was up against.<P>