Hello everyone,<BR>This is my first visit and I can not say that I'm thrilled to be in this position but am relieved that I am not alone.<P>I just recently found out about my husbands infidelity and the initial shock is subsiding, but where do I go from here? I am not sure what my future holds anymore. I am sitting, typing, and crying. I just don't know what to do. I have so many questions and fears and I feel like a stupid blind fool!

You are welcome here, you will find some great help if you listen and reply.<P>You are in for a rough ride now, you are not a stupid blind fool, although I know it does feel that way. I know it hurts and hurts bad, I'm sorry. We will comfort and support you, we will give you our opinions and share our stories.<P>Do you love your H?....if so do you want to get past this?, Have you confronted him? Does he know that you know? Is there any way he can find out you post here, often WS's read these. Decide what you want, I'm for making it work...hopefully your H wants this too. Try to keep your mind occupied with other things......sounds tough and it is, you will need some diversions. <P>Get into some counselling by yourself and couples counselling ASAP.<P>Continue to read and post here It is an excellent site!!<P>You have my prayers<P>

Welcome Suki:<P>Please know that all of us have been where you are and know how you are hurting....but one way to live with that hurt is to feel like there will be an end to it....and to find a way to effect that end.<P>That's really what MB is all about....getting to the heart of the cause of the affair and dealing with how to get the marriage back on tract and possibly making it better then it was before. You're so lucky to have found this site so soon in this situation.<P>I don't have the usual newcomes welcome and our usual greeter is on vacation but I'm sure someone will be along to give you some places to start....reading materials, informational posts, etc....but if you haven't already read over Harley's general material it is a good place to start...sometimes merely getting an idea of what you can do is enough to give you the focus to pull yourself together a little.<P>Some general advise, however, is to get a copy of Harley's book "Surviving An Affair" and start reading....call the couseling center and set up a telephone conference with either of the Harleys if you can afford it...make a visit to your doctor for medicine to help you deal with your life right now if you need it...and lastly, put yourself in a positive frame of mind...and try to stay there...the affair was not your fault....and the hurt is going to continue for some time...but it is survivable and you will come out of all this a stronger person...even if you don't believe right now.<P>One thing you might do to aid those of us who will try to help is to give us some idea of the circumstance (where you're at)...more detail makes it easier to decide how you need to proceed...writing it all out seems to help to...don't be afraid...we've heard it all.<P>Again welcome and please stay around and learn.<P>Faye<BR>

Welcome <B>Suki</B>...<P>Just checking... here are the links that will get you going.<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Read... ask... post!<P>You are not alone!!!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Suki - Everyone who posts here understands your pain - completely and deeply. <BR>Be prepared for the biggest ups and downs of your life in the next while - you will survive. Tell us your story- tell the gory details if you need to - you are safe here and you will get help.<BR>Another good book is After the Affair by Janis A. Spring.<BR>It's been one year since DDay of my H's affair, which completely blindsided me. It's still a recovery process for both of us. It takes time and you will have setbacks from time to time, but it is all part of the journey to healing.<BR>God Bless.

I was interupted last night by my daughters tummy ache so I didn't get to quite finish my post.<P>Let me first thank you for all your kind words.<BR>My husband left for work one sfternoon after a small disagreement.We were "fighting" over where a new painting should be hung, pretty trivial I know. I called him at work shortly after to tell him we could put the silly thing where ever and he asked me for a divorce. I went numb. He gave no explanation except to say that he wasn't happy anymore. I was in denial, this had come out of nowhere. I started to rack my brain and could come up with nothing.<BR>The next few days were the worst. I started to truly look at things that I had made excuses for the previous month. He was going out a lot. There were even two nights he didn't get home until 5am. But at the time I justified this ,we had just relocated to a new state and I was happy he was making friends. Though he had NEVER not come home before, in fact he rarely went out with friends after work. There had been a few hangups on the phone but I never thought anything from them. There was a phone call from a young lady one afternoon looking for him. Again, thought nothing of it.Anyway after he asked for the divorce I called my uncle. He is a doc with the AAMFT. He gave me some great advise. He told me to get him to counceling anyway I could and not to give up until the papers were signed. I convinced my husband to give me six weeks. Six weeks he would go to counceling and help me prepare to leave. He did. I started ransacking the house. I suspected an affair but he denied it repeatly. After a few weeks<BR>I discovered my husbands affair through undeleted e-mails. I'm still not sure entirely how because he has, or should I say had a password to his browser. He still denied any invovlment with this lady. I was on the computer one night and an instant message came through from her. I played along until she figured it wasn't him. I got up the nerve and called her. She was actually very nice, I felt sorry for her. She told me of their relationship and when he ended it, the week prior to requesting a divorce. He walked in as I was saying goodbye. I explained our conversation and he broke down and asked me to stay. <P>We are still in counceling and I love him. But is love enough. I didn't see this coming the first time how would I if it happened again? He has been patient and remorsefull. I just can't seem to get past the lies.