My wife and I have been married for 10 years. In the past year I have had an affair with another woman. We have talked via email and phone. We have meet twice and have had sexual encounters, The first encounter really tore me up. I hated myself for doing it.I hated the fact that I had done this to my myself,family and my loving Wife. Then about a month later my wife found out that I had the affair and we almost seperated but we were able to work it out.<BR>Almost a year later Me and the woman that I was having an affair with meet a second time in a remote place and had a sexual encounter again. This time we decided to tape it. Again I couldn't stand myself for the fact that I did this. So I hide the tape and was going to destroy it. Before I could destroy it my wife found it and watched it. We have had our problems in the past but most of it has been on my cause. I love my wife very much and greatly regret ever doing this to her. We are now in the process of getting seperated. We are still living in the same house but in different rooms. We have two lovely children together. I do not want our marriage to end. I still love her very very much. I have told her that I love her but she doesn't beleive me and thinks that I just want to stay for the children. I want to change our relationship. I want us to work this situation out, But I don't know how to go about it.<BR>My wifes dad left her mother for another woman when she was little and he was not around very often. Her mother doesn't like me and has never has. My wife has been going over their everyday this week for suppoort I suppose. I am sure that her mother is telling her to leave me.<P>I really need suggestion on what I can do to regain her love and trust for me. I know that it will take time for the pain to heil, But I don't want to lose her.<P>Thanks for your Help <P>

Hello i was in your shoes recently, unfourtunatly i lost my battle. i did everything i could think of and nothing worked,i got frusturated, i would give up and go back to the other man, but that didnt make anything better, finally i realized that it takes time and patience. the 2 things our lord shorted me on when he was creating me.fortunatly, with time i have a little more than i did my divorce was final the 24th of may he has found someone new and seems to be very happy.i want him to be happy and with time and patience (and a whole lotta changing) if it is meant to be the lord will bring her heart back to yours.<P>Amanda

Start by getting the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley and read everything on this websit. This will give you the road map of what to do. If at all possible get your wife to read the book and visit this web site too.<P>There are many people here who have been through what you are going through. We can be of help.<P>I for one would be willing to talk with your wife. My husband did some very similar things. You might want to read some of his postings. He uses the name "SeenTheLight" on this site.<P>Good Luck, keep us posted.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Zorweb,<BR>Thanks for your responce but I don't think that she would like it she knew that I was posting this. But I don't care I needed that support. I went and talk to a Preacher lastnight and he refered me to someone that might be able to help us, That is if she hasn't already made the discission not to try and save our marriage. I am in so much pain and I know that she is probably in 10 times more pain. But I hope and pray that the lord will touch her and myself and save this Family.<P>Thanks,<BR>MarkC

Well I guess lastnight really hit her... I went their again today and brought her a dozen roses and she didn't want them. She told me that she was just going to throw them away. You talk about pain that it did to me. She told me that it was over and the rest of my stuff was packed and to get it. I told her that I didn't want it right now. Then I told her that I wanted to make her happy again forever. She don't beleive me. I told her that I was going to go to consouling even if she didn't go. She was hurting inside so bad, I went to hold her and she pushed me away. I let go knowing that she didn't want me next to her. She said for me to leave her alone that she needed her space so I told her that I was going to leave then. I called for my daughters and gave them a kiss and told them that daddy would see them later, and for them to be good for their mother. She was hurting so bad and I want to be with her so bad so I can help heil the pain. I pray that the good Lord will help us thru this and forgive me of my Sins and return us to a happy family again.<P>Thanks for listening.

Well I contacted a Counselor today and made an appointment for next week. I just hope that I can make it that long. I hope that I can talk her into going and maybe we can save our marriage and Family. The pain of not being with her is really killing me. I want to call her so bad, but I know that if I do she might not talk to me.<BR>

Mark,<BR>GET ON YOUR KNEES! Confess your sin to God. He does not want your family broken up and he can show you how to repair your marriage. He is there, all you have to do is cry out to him. He wants to help you but only if you ask. If you pray for God to show himself strong in your mariage and in your life he will not let your marriage be desolved.<P>I swear to you Mark God can do all things. Pray God will work in your wifes heart. He can and he will. It is neevr his plan for a mariage to be over. Even if your wife is admiment about ending your marriage it is up to you to hold it together.<P>My prayers are with you.

Heart's Cry,<P>Thanks for your responce. I went and talk to a Preacher the othernight for help. I am going tonight to church and ask God for forgiveness of my sins and to help me through this. I haven't been a very relegious person in that past, But I think that I need God in my family and my life and he with me. I know that I shouldn't be going to him when I am in trouble, but I got to. I think that he is my only hope.<P>Thanks,<BR>Mark<p>[This message has been edited by MarkC (edited June 06, 2001).]