This remains so confusing...and frustrating...<P>My W (WS) returned from her several day vacation to "find some answers" without any answers. I didn't think there would be any magical answer for her.<P>It has been two months since d-day...she is living on her own. We see/talk every day...she tells me she loves me but has yet to commit to coming home. <P>Anyway....following her return she has been in a deep funk. She came to our house sat & sun and spent most of the time crying...she says she is "struggling" and doesn't know what to do. She says she feels "so lost." I am trying to let her know that her return home would be the beginning of the healing process...but she says she just can't do it right now.<P>Last nite she said "give it some time" and I am trying but I see this so black and white...and she doesn't and said so. She says she still has these "feelings" for OM...and is trying to figure out how to get past that if she can...<P>I know this probably sounds like a lot of my other posts but it is so frustrating to be kind of close (maybe?) to getting her to work on us but can't get her over the top so to speak. Does anyone understand? <P>Anyway, I just talked to her at work and she is crying and again just in a deep deep blue period I guess... <P>I keep telling her to keep her head up and let us work on us...but so far she can't get there...<P>My fear is that the crying and funk are a result of her mourning the loss of OUR relationship rather than the loss of OM...if she indeed feels she has lost him...<P>Any ideas or should I just continue to wait and do what I am doing... <BR> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Elad (edited June 04, 2001).]

Elad,<P>She is crying over the loss of your relationship. It is over. That it is called rebuilding a marriage. Please understand she viewed the marriage as over when the affair started. She is probably very surprised that you want to work on it.<P>She sounds very depressed. I would suggest that you try to convince her that no matter what she wants, feels, or doesn't feel she needs to see a Dr. and get meds if necessary. Remember they take a few weeks to kick in.<P>Next, I would find SKM's "chronicles" post. It was in Feb. or March of this year. Print it out and give it to her to read. It seems to me her feelings are about on course from what I have read here.<P>Keep loving her, get her to see a Dr., get counseling if you can, and print out SKM's post and give it to her.<P>Those are my recommendations.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Elad - I agree with JL with one amplification: don't be too intrusive. IMHO, you have to find the right balance between being supportive and being too pushy. You just gotta feel your way and validate her feelings. Don't get impatient and make her feel rushed. Have you talked to Steve?<P>WAT

JL:<BR>Thanks. She has read SKMs chronicles post and a post SKM gave to me when I asked her to comment on my/our situation. I thought SKMs points were good and relevant but my W wasn't so sure...<P>Her doc suggested meds but she won't take them...<P>You can lead a horse to water but....<P>anyway thanks <P>WAT: I understand about teh pushy stuff and I have tried not...it's hard as you well know.<P>Thanks...<BR> <P><BR>