Well, I went away for the weekend with a girlfriend to get some time for myself to gain strength. H asked for the questionaires from MB on Emotional Needs and Love Busters. I left them with him. When I got home yesterday he wasn't there but the questionaires were mostly filled out.<P>It was the most horrible thing I have ever had to do to read those words. I lost all hope. In the areas where you are to make suggestions for improvement he wrote "no hope". My heart is broken. I really thought this might give me something to work on. If I could know what he wants I could do that but he filled everything out in such a criptic manner that I can't even begin to give to him.<P>I want to keep going on Plan A but obviously I am not doing the right things. He seemed really scarred of me last night and I didn't know why. I said to him "I am not mad at you, I am glad you filled out the questionaires." That seemed to make him feel better. He keeps telling me that he doesn't love me and hasn't for a long time. I told him if he doesn't love me then why does he keep saying "I love you". He says that its because he doesn't want me to get mad. I told him I won't get mad but he keeps telling me he loves me and then telling me he doesn't.<P>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Is this all good or bad? He is opening up I think but farther away. I asked him if he was getting his needs (sexually) met somewhere else and he said no. I believe him.<P>Should I keep going with this or am I just going to go crazy trying.<P>Please tell me what to do.

Keep going. It's good you at least got him to fill out the questionnaires. Try again in a week or two, maybe it will change. It sounds like he was expressing how he feels inside rather than actually thinking about what he was doing. Was he in a bad mood when he filled them out, overly depressed, or not quite himself? Perhaps that had something to do with it?<P>Could you get any useful information at all from the questionnaires? Maybe focus on the few good things he may have written instead of all the negative? <P>Just a thought. Hang in there.<P>

Cleo:<P>Read some more about plan A. A loving plan A does try to meed WS's EN's, but also is about strengthening yourself.<P>Focus on being his wife. Don't ask too many Q's. Remember actions speak louder than words. If he's still there, that is saying something (but don't ask him what.) WS's can't tell you what you want to hear when they are still influenced by 'fog' and confusion. <P>The best changes you can make are the ones you make because you want to...WS's use BS's as their excuse and will give you a 100 reasons why they don't 'love' you anymore. Remember their idea of 'love' has now been skewed. Contact with OP will skew their thinking even more.<P>What has he said about 'why' he did A? Mine kept saying "she listened to me." So I have focused on that and what the Harley's write as being a man's top 5 EN's. We have gone out almost every weekend. I defer to him in most of the decisions, etc.<P>My H is a conflict-avoider, passive/aggressive person. I made most of the decisions for most of our married life. I now say 'I don't know." a lot! He's had to participate more without me 'guiding' him. <P>I hope you can gleen some direction from my words. I kind of got off-track in some places.<P>Good Luck,<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7