I am currently in Plan B and I am very concerned that the OW can meet all of his EN and he will never come back. How can I get over this fear and how likely is it that this can happen? I guess I just need some reassurance right now.

There is always that possibility. That is why you need to protect yourself during Plan B. <P>I assume you have set up your Plan B so that you do not speak directly to your WS.<P>I may be wrong here, but as hard as it may seem, you need to start building your own life. If WS comes back you will be a more independent person and stronger, more able to handle the recovery. If WS does not come back you will be well on your way to a new life.<P>This hurts, I know it does. Do you have any family or friends near you who you can lean on during this time? <P>And ofcourse the good folks MB will be here to support you through this tough time.<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

In my case. there was a time that she was unable to meet everything my H thought he needed. He began to slowly realize that I was the one who had always met those needs, and was the only one who could ever meet those needs. When he began to realize that, I knew that there was hope for my marriage. It make take awhile. Plan B is excellent gor this. YOur H will begin to realize it too.

Are there children involved? Do they meet some of his emotional needs? No amount of babying from an OW can replace the love of one's own child. I hope the balance lies in your favour, but becoming a better person is always a good idea, with or without him. Have the strength to work on yourself. It's amazing, but other's will notice your attempts at self improvement, and will even encourage you. Good luck.

Hi SF,<P>You are giving yourself unecessary grief. You probably can't help it but it is still not something you have control therefore it is unecessary. <P>Regardless of the EN's being met, whether he comes back or not you put your best foot forward. Become the best you can be without stressing yourself out. Be yourself and be proud of it. Nothing urks an OP more than to see a confident BS. Ooooh.... they hate that. <P>In my case, OW accused my of becoming 'cool and business like' in my approach. OW could not longer see me swing with emotion everytime she threw a curve. Instead and went with it and threw it back. Kind of like a bomerrang..... and I liked the effect!!! Bam!<P>So better and pamper yourself. Let you WS see what he is missing. Make their gray cells work wondering...... why is my W looking so good?!?!??!......<P>Take Care and remember..... smile and make them wonder what you are up to!<P>L.<P>

Thanks for the responses. <P>Z - My Plan B is set up so that there is no direct contact. I have some very supportive friends and family here that help me with going on with my own life, not as many that support me with ever taking him back if he does try to return.<P>mksgrl - Thanks for the positive attitude. Sometimes I do not have a very positive outlook on this thing. Today is definately one of those days. I woke up this morning thinking that it was over and I needed to move on. I have those days more often now that I have moved to Plan B. I am tired of waking up in the morning and wondering if today will be the day that he sees the OW for what she is (a thief). I have only been in Plan B for a little over two weeks and I don't know how anyone makes it for the length of time that I read some of you have done it. HOW DO I GO ON WHEN I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN?<P>Tophat - We do not have any children. That is another reason that I wonder if I ever had anything that she doesn't have. At first I wondered how she could possibly compeat with the history that we have together, but as time goes by and I don't hear from him I wonder if that ever mattered. Right now I do not feel like anything lies in my favour. I know that people say that it gets easier with time and it has only been a three months since D-day, but it seems like a lifetime. <P>Orchid - How is the OP or the H supposed to see that I am becoming confident and let the H see what he is missing when I am in Plan B and he is not supposed to see me at all? I feel like he is over at his apartment with her all the time never thinking about me. How can a person put nine years of love and memories in a black hole and never think about them or me again? I do not understand how these WS think when they are in the fog. <P>I have some other things working against me as well. The OW's H and I have been talking for the past few weeks. Drove my H crazy at first, but that pre Plan B and now I don't know what he thinks because he can not call and yell at me for talking to him. Anyway, I we began talking one night when I found evidence that H and OW were still seeing each other. I called him because I was tired of being lied to and thought that he deserved to hear the truth for a change. We ended up talking for four hours that night and have talked several times since. He calls to see if I am doing ok a few times a week. He filed for D early in May and it will be final 7/27. There is no hope in that relationship because he will never take OW back. They have had a rocky marriage from day one and he will throw a big party on 7/27 when he is finally free. That is where my problem lies. 1) They are getting a D; 2) He says some pretty mean things to her, driving her more to my H for comfort; 3) They have been living in the same house until it is sold and last night he called to tell me he kicked her out (wonder where she will go?); 4) He thinks they may be perfect for each other and live happily ever after. He said that she is crazy over my husband and will do whatever he wants. How am I supposed to ever have a chance?<BR>