I posted my story in Please Help Me. My H wants to work things out but I have done so many hurtful things to him in our 6 1/2 years of marriage. I love him more than life itself and also my 4 year old son. I dont want to live without either of them. I am so deeply devasted by what has happened, I feel like a failure and dont think I need to be here anymore. My only brother died June 3, 2000 and I want to go be with him. I think I would be much happier there than miserable here. Somebody please help me. I cant take this anymore. HELP!

Oh, Please, don't hurt yourself! I am having the same trouble and H says for me to write you because maybe it will help me. I think sometimes of taking my life, because of the pain I have caused, but my H begs me not to. He says it will get better. Please , listen to the others that can help you. <BR>You have my prayers,<BR>wentcrazy

Hi K- I thought you were the WS- you are a BS, I am so sorry. I hope you get help. This board is a great place to go for help. <BR>wentcrazy<p>[This message has been edited by wentcrazy (edited June 04, 2001).]

Dear Kjn,<P>I was the last one that posted on your other thread. Please talk to us somemore. You did not give any response to our sugggestions. <P>Remember that you are still in shock. Actually you are having a better start than most of us. My H did not want to work with me at all after d/d. In fact he and OW were talking about each getting a divorce and moving in together. Oh it got much worse for me. <P>Listen, you can pull through. The issue is with your H. He appears to be dealing with it and in time will need your assistance. I too felt betrayed and wanted to end it all. But I do love God and our child. Life is important to God and he would not want me to leave our child motherless nor deprive him of our life that he as given us. <P>Please, please hold on for a while more. These horrible feelings and thoughts will pass. Soon you will be able to think clearer. Please pray for a calm heart and a clear mind. <P>There is so much here to help you. The tools here along with the counselors, friends, family and your H can help you recover. <P>Please KJN, even if this hurts your head, think about your family and yourself. It is important to value your life. <P>My grandmother's first H took his life at a very young age due to an A. He left my grandmother with 3 small girls. Nothing is worth that price. <P>Please talk with your H. Post and vent here as much as you need. People from all over the world read this site. You can post at anytime. <P>Share your thoughts, fears and concerns with us. If you can please contact Steve or Jennifer Harley ASAP. Ask your H if he will sit in on a phone counseling session with you. It will help. <P>I will be keeping you in my heart and prayers.<P>L.<BR>

kjn4evr,<P>I know how you feel. D-day for me was March 22. I too felt like I'd never recover from it. The pain was so intense that for the first time in my life I thougth about suicide. I did not have the desire to do it, but felt that it would be easier the enduring the pain.<P>After about 4 weeks I realized that the entire thing has put me into a very deep depression. In retrospect, I wish I had gone immediately to see a doctor for antidepressents. <P>Please tell us more. Why do you say that you have done so much to hurt your husband over the last 6 1/2 years? <P>Is your husband there with you? May be the source of your pain right now but he could also be the source of your comfort if you would let him.<P>Have you shown him this web site? There are couples who both come to this site to learn and share. My husband and I do and there are others. Why don't you let him know of it too.<P>At this point it is important that you reach out to people. So please keep coming here. Read the material on this site. Get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. It is a wonderful road map to recovering a marriage after an affair. <P>We are here for you. And for your husband if you should choose to share this site with him. So please post, post, post. This is a safe place to vent.<P>((((((hug))))))<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

As everyone else has said, please, please do not do anything to hurt yourself. I've actually had the gun in my hands as well as a hand full of pills. I realized that I could not abandon my children. I lost my father at a fairly young age and there have been so many times I needed him so I can't stop thinking about what my kids would say when they needed me. I too went immediately to a Dr about depression. I unfortunately was like most of America and had a stigmatism associated with Prozac and anxiety meds, but after being in this situation I swollowed my pride and talked to a Dr about it. It really has helped me tremendously. Unfortunately it is not a quick fix. The meds take a while to kick in so counseling, even if it is just with a friend or clergy, is extremely beneficial. I know this is the worst Hell you can immagine but it will get better. Please, keep your children in mind and don't do anything rash. E-mail anytime you need to vent or need a boost.<P>Dave

kjn4ever, please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Who you will really be hurting is your child. You know you do have something to live for. It's the little child that looks up to you and says "I love you mommy" and makes you smile really big. Some people think they can't live without there spouses but in the long run you can. Your child needs you. He would be so confused if one day his mommy was gone and he didn't see you everyday. How is daddy supposed to explain to a 4 year old son that Mommy wont ever be coming back. My friend died 6 years ago. We don't know if she did it intentionally or not. She slammed her car into a telephone poll and burnt to death (she was depressed). She had a 8 month old at the time and a 2 year old. The 2 year old kept asking where mommy was and all we could say is "honey, mommy is gone far away and she wont be coming back" and he kept asking us why? So, please don't put your son through that. He deserves to have his mommy there with him. No one or nothing is ever worth taking your life over. I think your son of all people deserve to grow up spending his life with his mommy.

Kjn, I think I am speaking for everyone on here. Please post and let us know that you are okay. And let us know how things are going today. We are all here to help you and to talk to you. Don't hold it in, vent. And this is the place to do it. Okay. And if you would like you can email me at Survivorthruitall@excite.com anytime. Take care of yourself and remember your baby boy needs his mommy.<BR>