My wife of 17 years and mother of our 3 children had an affair with a man that has left the country and probably won't be back. She says that part of her still loves him. All along they new he would one day be leaving. She says working toward our recovery is more difficult than that described in Dr. Harley's books because, with her lover, she discovered a passion that she never knew with me. She is not sure she can work back to what was never there. She fears that this passion, this strong and overwhelming desire to be with someone like her former lover may never be shared with me (and now she feels was never there before) and that she may not be able to help rebuild our marriage or at least a portion that was never there. I did have that passion for her or at least I thought I did. Is it possible to work together and rebuild a marriage when something was missing all along?

SG - simple answer, yes.<P>Don't for a second let her convince you that she is somehow different. Based on your description, she is following the very worn script verbatim. Right now, she is still in La La land and you should not take any of this personally. Yes, you had a role in whatever shortcomings your marriage suffererd from, but she has likely rewritten history and has placed this guy on a pedestal that may seem too high for you to ever obtain. But she's placed him so high that he and she are actually in the clouds and can't see past their noses.<P>You have an excellent opportunity to recover if it's true that OM won't be back. Read everything you can on this site and consider counseling right off the bat with the Harleys.<P>WAT<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited June 05, 2001).]

WAT's right.<P>Robert told me that he had finally realized what true love really was....that he had found his soulmate...that he had cared for me, but had never loved me the way he loved PT, never wanted (craved is the word he used, I believe) me as he did her...and on and on.<P>Almost a year and 1/2 after he came home, I'M the only person he ever loved, he fell for ME harder than anyone in his life, and on and on. Life is good and we are happy.<P>Don't let her words influence you. <P>Lori