I sit here at 3 in the morning on this darn computer...and why? Cuz my H decided to go into work early this morning and I just don't feel right about it. He normally goes in at 4 a.m. but this morning got up earlier than usual and decided to go ahead and go in. I have no reason to not feel right about it really....the OW isn't even there and it's not possible for him to contact her. It's just so out of the ordinary and this is the 2nd time it's happened in 2 weeks.<BR>He says it's because the week of June 18th he will only have 40 hours because we are going on vacation. (he usually averages 60 hours a week not always manditory) This is just unusual....he's never done it before. Maybe I'm putting too much into it and all it really is is what he says.<BR>He says that yes he is dedicated to his job because it's what supports us....and so I shouldn't blame him for being at work so much.<BR>I don't blame him...but do complain because often times he will go in at 3 or 4 a.m. now and come at around 5 p.m. and fall asleep for a couple of hours..wake up for 1 hour and then go to bed. Leaving no time for me or our kids. (not all the time....but enough that our oldest complains about it)<BR>On another note...I've asked him...per our POJA to call me if he will be a half hour or more late coming home from work. He says he can't agree to that because he doesn't pay attention to the clock and he's never had to do it before and if he's talking to someone it would be rude to say...oh...hang on just a second I have to call my wife and tell her I'll be late. I personally think it's a lack of respect to NOT call me and tell me he will be late.<BR>He pays enough attention to the clock to know when it's time to leave....so why can't he to call me if he will be late?<BR>I asked him about his drives that he so much likes to go on alone. He said...it's just something I got used to when I was gone those 2 times. He was never gone more than 5 days....doesn't take him long to get used to something huh?<BR>He did however agree to try to get his alone time without having to take a drive alone....maybe being able to just go outside without the kids follwing or something.<BR>His story changes so much that it's confusing.<BR>At first it was....I know that those in love feelings are there...I just have to figure out how to get them out. Now it's....I don't know...maybe they aren't there...but I want them to be. Nobody can make them be there....they will either come back or they won't. He says he has no control over those in love feelings.<BR>I asked him how he can guarentee me that another A won't happen...with ex-OW or another. He said because I'm stronger now.....BUT....if it were to happen again and I wasn't strong enough then it must be meant to happen. Everything happens for a reason.<BR>He told that the first 30 years of his life were lived the way others wanted him to live it. Now it's time for him to live it the way he wants.....unfortunately most of what he wants to do doesn't involve me or our daughters.<BR>But he's here and says if I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be here....so I guess that is all that counts for now.<BR>I'm just so darned confused.<BR>

Good morning Miss Priss (that sounds funny )<P>It is very normal to question the actions of our spouses after going through an A. A year into recovery and I still find myself doing that occassionally. If you feel that your suspicions are more than just a reaction to the A, then you can either ask him or find out for yourself. <P>Are you working on Plan A? Most spouses do not feel love when they come back but have made a conscious decision to return to the marriage and work things out. Don't be stopped by this. Start by making deposits in his love bank. See if you can get him engaged in the His Needs/Her Needs book and excercises. The love does come back when both of you are working toward meeting eachothers needs. THAT, I can testify to.<P>cleo

Some of this sounds like depression. Weird sleep patterns are a very common symptom. At the height of My H's A (which was also the height of his depressive episode) he could sleep for 12 hours, get up for 2 and take a 3 hour nap on the weekend. Keep working on Plan A, it sounds like he has a way to go.

cleopatra.....I would love to get him involved in reading something and trying the exercises but he just doesn't seem interested. He is always telling me that he knows that he needs to try harder...and promises to...but it never happens. The more I ask...the less he does. I have seen him read a couple of papers that I have printed out.....but he never says anything about them. He says he loves me...but when it comes to affection...he says he has to feel it to show it?? (don't get that one)<P>fairydust....my H's sleep patterns aren't really changing...he just gets up earlier with the alarm clock sometimes instead of hitting snooze 5 or 6 times. I'm always up when he leaves for work....so instead of going in early...why can't he stay and be with me for a bit....that would be alone time for us. Yes...I've mentioned this to him....his side is.....because I'm tired and need to get going so I don't fall back asleep....or...at least it's overitme....more money. That's all he seems to care about lately....his job and making more money.<P>All I know that he shows no desire at all to want to be with me...spend time with me....unless he's forced to.<BR>He says the words...I love you...You are the only one I want to be with....If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be......but has nothing to back them up in actions.<P>All I'm asking is for a little respect...after all...I didn't do anything wrong....and to be shown that I'm loved and cared for.

He's got it backwords. You have to show it to feel it. Have him take the ENQ. That should be simple enough for him. You fill out one also. Then start meeting his top five needs. Concentrate on the first two(perfecting them). He may be prompted to reciprocate. Maybe he will read your responses to the ENQ and have a clearer understanding of your needs. <BR>Lets face it, men need all the help they can get when it come to emotions