April 25th was d-day. I thought I would die. I wanted to die. My heart hurt. My body ran cold, so cold. I just wanted it to go away. I wanted my life back. Oh, tell me it isn't true.<P>April 26 & 27 all I could do was cry. Uncontrollable sobs. Heartbroken. So so sad. He was my only lover and he had gone to another. Oh, how could you? How could you?<P>April 28-May 12. As long as he came home I was okay. I pressed my body as close to his as I could. I allowed myself to be intimate with him trying to reclaim 'my place.' All the while a little piece of me died. Several times after intimacy huge sobs racked my body. I woke up shaking and scared. <P>May 13 to June 5. I prayed. I prayed. I prayed for strength and guidance. I went on antidepressant and my thinking became clearer. We went to church. I posted and posted. I plan A'd my rear off. We went to counseling. I became stronger. Each book I read. Each post I read. Each person I talked with made me stronger.<P>Today I am still scared. But I am resolute. He must choose. I cannot guilt him or trap him into staying. I have peace. Even though I don't want a life without him in it, I will survive and even thrive. Our children will be okay.<P>There are tears today, but my heart is peaceful.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7
