Did I screw up? Can I fix it? I have called to make app't. w/ Steve.<P>As you can see from posts I running scared. <P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7

You can always go back to Plan A... ALWAYS... I think it CAN be fixed!! Never fear!!!!!!<P>I'd love for you to post after you speak to Steve Harley... I bet he says to go back to Plan A...<P>Let us know!!... and GOOD LUCK!! <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Did I screw up? Can I fix it? I have called to make app't. w/ Steve.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I think that is a VERY good idea.<P>InShock, I don’t know much about your story (I’ve been trying to get AWAY from MB for nearly a year), so please forgive me if I’m jumping to any conclusions (and I think Sheryl and I share a lot of the same thoughts on this, so I hope she can help you with specifics). I don’t think I’ve read anything from you until you posted that you gave your H your Plan B letter.<P>So I’ll have to speak in <I>generalizations,</I> most of which can be found on this site. Steve can help you if you need to go back, but it’s VERY difficult, because as I said... once you go back on Plan B, why should he take it seriously when you DO go to it for real?<P>But IMO, from the limited view of things, you may HAVE to go back... 3 weeks of Plan A simply isn’t enough... particularly if you’ve been all clingy as you said. Since he knows about the MB principles (or will if he reads the books) you may have to let him know you realize your part in the deterioration of the marriage that allowed HIM to make the mistake... <I>and then show him by several months of pristine Plan A!</I> You’ll have to <I>tell</I> him you plan on showing him you can be the wife he wanted, and then show him. Your big question is... can YOU do it... without LoveBusters? While he presumably continues to carry on the affair?<P>Let me tell you quickly what I said to Rick... “Remember one thing, though... I never had to write a Plan B letter, and never had to have one delivered to me. My thoughts and advice (FWIW) are from the standpoint of a student of Dr Harley... not as an active participant in the use of his methods to bring back a WS.” <BR>So whatever you do... DO NOT GO RUNNING BACK AFTER READING THIS! I know you’re in panic mode right now (I can personally only imagine... ). Mine is only one opinion, and a very uninformed one at best. Please get opinions from more people around here before taking ANY step... backwards or forwards. If possible, from Steve himself. <P><BR>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited June 06, 2001).]

Cali,<P>Talk to Steve of course. That is the best advice. However, my own opinion is that as long as he is there living in your house, you stick to Plan A. If it becomes unbearable, then you'd have to talk to him about moving.<P>In my case, there was a plan for my wife to move, her own plan (not what I wanted). So I didn't have to endure months of the affair wondering if I'd have to tell her to leave. She was leaving and that was it. It was 5 months of her being there in the affair (1.5 of which I was in denial of the A).<P>In your case, it sounds like your H will voluntarily leave soon if you can't take it anymore. This phase must be difficult, because you would ultimately rather he stay and work on the marriage, but you can't stand the situation.<P>I would save the Plan B implementation until when he leaves, or some period of tims after he is gone, depending on your tolerance level and feelings.<P>I believe you can recover any ill effects that may remain from presenting the Plan B letter with him there. I'm sure Steve will help you there. If you implement a full no contact Plan B, then H will know then that you are serious. Given that he might leave soon, perhaps he knows now how serious you are.<P>This is just my opinion, and I have no experience with Plan B, other than my letter, and my wife is still gone, so take it with a grain of salt (a big one).<P>Don't beat yourself up over this latest string of events, because none of this is easy, and you are just doing what you feel you have to do. It is difficult. But you'll manage. Let us know what Steve has to say. And again, I think you can still do Plan A or Plan B, but just take a breather and refocus. You'll know the right path.

Cali - as soon as I saw the title of your post about giving the Plan B letter, I reacted with, "Ut oh, she can't do that yet!! They're still living together!!" I saw you got plenty of appropriate responses, so I didn't pile on.<P>Hey, water over the dam now. I agree with the recommendations that you have to go back to Plan A, depending on what Steve says. Maybe look at it this way: you've been honest with your H. You just laid out the ground work for an eventual Plan B; told him what will happen. Some could argue that there's nothing wrong with losing the element of surprise and maybe it could be beneficial, who knows?<P>Anyway, you made an MB mistake. But couples were resolving infidelity long before MB came around and today couples are recovering marriages without any knowledge of Plan A and Plan B. So, chalk it up as learning and regroup. I bet your eventual outcome will be unaffected.<P>WAT

Y'all are great! As soon as he said "so I'm supposed to be gone now?" I didn't know what to do.<P>I still don't know what tonight will bring. I've resisted the urge to call him all day. In fact, I haven't called him all week...he's called me at end of workday.<P>Guess I'll go back to doing what I was doing. As you said WAT, at least he will know what I will react to any separation. The five phone calls while he was at the mall tells me 'no contact' with me will be a difficult hurdle for him to jump. He doesn't even realize how much he reaches for me.<P>I have an app't with Steve June 14. It seems so far away. <P>Thanks for all comments! I appreciate even the criticism . <P>Cali