I think MY WH hates me now and I just want to die.<BR>In plan-A for 3 months now and I think I did a pretty good job, every day my WH comes home after working with OW whole day. I though every thing is going slowly but steady for now and was hoping more time for plan-A and never rush him to make a decision. But yesterday morning my WH told me that he made an appointment to see a attorney that day to fill for a D and he told OW about it long ago (to make her feel good and laugh at me?), but I am the one last to know about it! I was so angry and hurt and my temper just went out the roof.<BR>I made my H called off work, so we can talk about it. He listened to me what I have to say and told me to give him some time to think about it. I said if you are still think about it, then you should not go see the attorney today. I asked him to call it off and he told me that he is thinking about it.<BR>He hugged me and hold me in his arm till 3pm, then he got up from the couch and said - it’s time to go! I was in shoooock! I physically try to stop him from leaving and he also fight back, he said he is going to hit me in the mouth and only stop when I told him that he will go to jail for that. He did miss the appointment, but I did a major LB. He told me afterwards that I can stop him from going today, but I will never able to stop him next day. I know next time he will not tell me till he has the paper in hands.<BR>So, finally it becomes physical and he said what I did is attacking him. He did not hold me like before and did not said he love me. I think I am so done this time. He will never stop hate me. What have I done? I love him so much! Is there still chance for me to make it up?

Of course there is still a chance to make up. I am amazed at how you, and all the BSs here, seem to fret so about any LB they do.<P>Yet we are so willing to forgive our WS for their actions. If you can forgive him for what he is doing. Then there is a chance that he will forgive you. <P>However, your situation is so far along. He seems intent on leaving, though he has not yet. If he plans to file for a divorce, why on earth is he still living with you?<P>It seems to me like it is Plan B time. Perhaps you should do that before he files. <P>MH<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

I think your story is somewhat of what the article LOVE MUST BE TOUGH comes into play:<P>Ideally, we are permitted by God to select only one person in the course of a lifetime, and few are willing to squander that one shot on someone we merely pity! In fact, it is very difficult to love another person romantically and pity him or her at the same time. If begging and pleading are ineffective methods of attracting a member of the opposite sex during the dating days, why do victims of bad marriages use the same groveling techniques to hold a drifting spouse? They only increase the depth of disrespect by the one who is escaping. Instead, they should convey their own version of the following message when the time is right: "John [or Diane], I've been through some very tough moments since you decided to leave, as you know. My love for you is so profound that I just couldn't face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul-searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can't be done. As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I'm reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I'm aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in 1989 [or whenever]. You are free to go. If you never call me again, then I will accept your decision. I admit that this entire experience has been painful, but I'm going to make it. The Lord has been with me thus far and He'll go with me in the future. You and I had some wonderful times together, John. You were my first real love and I'll never forget the memories that we shared. I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead." <BR>Slowly, unbelievably, the trapped spouse witnesses the cage door vibrate just a bit, and then start to rise. He can't believe it. This person to whom he has felt bound hand and foot for years has now set him free! It isn't necessary to fight off her advances-her grasping hands-any more. "But there must be a catch," he thinks. "It's too good to be true. Talk is cheap. This is just another trick to win me back. In a week or two she'll be crying on the phone again, begging me to come home. She's really weak, you know, and she'll crack under pressure." <BR>It is my strongest recommendation that you, the rejected person, prove your partner wrong in this expectation. Let him marvel at your self-control in coming weeks. Only the passage of time will convince him that you are serious-that he is actually free. He may even test you during this period by expressions of great hostility or insult, or by flirtation with others. But one thing is certain: He will be watching for signs of weakness or strength. The vestiges of respect hang in the balance. <BR>If the more vulnerable spouse passes the initial test and convinces the partner that his freedom is secure, some interesting changes begin to occur in their relationship. Please understand that every situation is unique and I am merely describing typical reactions, but these developments are extremely common in families I have seen. Most of the exceptions represent variations on the same theme. <BR>Three distinct consequences can be anticipated when a previously "grabby" lover begins to let go of the cool spouse: The trapped partner no longer feels it necessary to fight off the other, and their relationship improves. It is not that the love affair is rekindled, necessarily, but the strain between the two partners is often eased. <BR>As the cool spouse begins to feel free again, the question he has been asking himself changes. After wondering for weeks or months, "How can I get out of this mess?" he now asks, "Do I really want to go?" Just knowing that he can have his way often makes him less anxious to achieve it. Sometimes it turns him around 180 degrees and brings him back home! The third change occurs not in the mind of the cool spouse but in the mind of the vulnerable one. Incredibly, he or she feels better-somehow more in control of the situation. There is no greater agony than journeying through a vale of tears, waiting in vain for the phone to ring or for a miracle to occur. Instead, the person has begun to respect himself or herself and to receive small evidences of respect in return. <BR>Even though it is difficult to let go once and for all, there are ample rewards for doing so. One of those advantages involves the feeling that he or she has a plan-a program-a definite course of action to follow. That is infinitely more comfortable than experiencing the utter despair of powerlessness that the victim felt before. And little by little, the healing process begins. <BR>