Sorry to those of you I have not replied to!! Been busy. T-ball season is starting. Okay...to the point. Yesterday, I found a counselor that would accept my insurance (actually a therapist at my insurance co found her). I told the ins co I needed someone who was really good!! I came home yesterday and did not ask H to go but told him I had an appt and he was welcome to go IF HE WANTED TO. Well, lo and behold, he called me at work before I was fixin to leave and asked if he could pick me up and we could go together. Dont know how much progress we made but we had our session. The counselor left and came to give us feedback. She stated that the fact that he went was a start that he indeed wanted to work things out. She also said that she is almost 100% sure that our marriage will work. We go back in one week. I guess I am feeling better but I still have thoughts of him being with OW and what it was like for him?? Who initiated it?? When did it happen?? Where did he tell me he was going that day?? There are so many questions I have. Will I ever get the answers?????? He said in the session that one of the reasons that he believes he did it is because he felt ignored and unwanted. I hate to admit this but I have ignored him for a long time. After Peyton (my son) was born, it was very hard for me to lose the weight. Turns out, I have a thyroid problem..Anyway, I think because I was upset w/me that I ignored him. I dont know!!!! Anyway, could somebody who has been through this give me some feedback on what they think, please!! I am still hurting deep inside. I guess if H is hurting he's not showing it. Does it hurt him?? Is he upset about what he did?? He told me he hated himself for doing it, but then I found out OW sent him email requesting they have lunch. H sent back and said I would like to do more than lunch. I really miss f--king you so much! How can I trust to believe him that he only did it one time w/ OW?????????????????????? Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>Kjn

Well it is good that h went with you. Since you have questions and reasons to not trust him, (The A and the email too ) you might want to bring up in the next counseling session how you need the full truth. That was one of my biggest needs after d-day, honesty. Which was hard for h to give me. But he knew if he wanted to even try he had to give me that.<P>And please stop being so hard on yourself. You seem to expect yourself to be able to be over it right away. It doesn't work that way. Look at it like this, you have suffered a loss, you have lost what you thought your marriage was. The marriage is still there, but it is not the one you were living in before d-day, that one is gone for good. That's the bad news. The good news is that if you and h will both work on it you can build a new, different, stronger one with the tools offered here. <P>Hold on tight, this is a long bumpy, scary rollercoaster ride, but it can be worth it.<P>Even those who came here who were unable to save their marriages have learned things that can help them in future relationships.