Just looking for opinions from the masses here...<P>My WS and I have been married almost 17 years now and during that time, she essentially was never without here wedding ring on her finger. Dday was about 8mos ago and even during the period of turmoil and counseling that followed, the ring was always there.<P>However, a couple of months ago, our process took a turn for the worse (her continued contact with OM), and we started pursuing divorce - during that time, she removed her ring except during times like going to church (!).<P>During the last month, we've put divorce on hold and started counselling again - this was her decision, telling me that she was prepared to give 100% to the marriage now. However, she still hasn't worn her wedding ring all the time and told me yesterday that she can't find it now!<P>Although I can't really begin to try to understand what she can be thinking right now (why begin working on your marriage and don't feel that symbol of that committment is important...), I'm more interested in seeing how other BS here feel about their WS wearing their wedding rings. Does it matter to you?<P>FWIW, I do wear my ring all the time. However, in previous years, I was frequently without it and my WS told me during our counseling after the A that this did bother her, so I know it means something to her as well.<P>Best to you, as always -

hi spiritfilled,<P>This was a recent topic on the EN board. There was not infidelity in my marriage so I can't speak to that but "the ring." I think it says alot. My W has hers on right now and we are legally separated as of last week. When I see it off her hands for a period of time will be the day that I know things made a turn for the worse.<P>FYI...mine is still on. I do think it's tremendously symbolic, not necessarily from a religious standpoint so much as a committment.<P>dd

My WH didn't have a wedding ring - but he did have a signet ring that he always wore on 'that finger' that I gave him when we got engaged. I noticed that he had taken it off very soon after D-Day and yes, it does hurt. He has kept it safe though, which is something.<P>The other thing I noticed was that in the very early stages, when I was full of rage and anger, I also took my wedding ring off one day - and gave it back to him. He was quite upset at this and wouldn't take it, he left it on the windowsill. After a few days, when I had found this site, read Dr. Harleys's books etc., I put the ring back on and haven't taken it off since. <P>My feelings about my own wedding ring change....I feel 'lost' without it if I don't wear it, and yet sometimes I feel 'trapped' with it too.

Soon after d-day, my WH and I had a talk about our rings. I told him I took mine off for a minute, but I had to put them back on. He said, "I'll never take mine off, there are five diamonds that represent all the people involved." (refering to us and our 3 sons.)<P>I, too, feel that if he takes his ring off and leaves it off, it would be a significant moment.<P>I have a really hard time wearing a ring he purchased for me about one month before the A began...a three stone anniversary ring that isn't even paid for yet. He had it specially made for me. It felt so special when he got it, now I look at the three stones...past,present & future and just wonder about the future.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7

Oh Cali - me too. I got some very romantic pressies in the few months before D-Day. A beautiful diamond eternity ring for our 16th Wedding Anniversary, Some diamond earrings for Christmas, and Leanne Rimes CD "I need you" for Valentines Day (I gave the CD back to him, I said it was so hypocritical and I couldn't listen to it anymore - he still doesn't understand that!).<P>And...he's still doing it! He told me that he had bought himself the new Sting CD a couple of weeks ago and he thought that I would like it too. Well, one of the first songs on it has the words "I still want you, I still need you" or something to that effect. I just broke down when I heard it for the first time, and haven't listened to it again. Do these men actually THINK before they do these things??!!!<BR>Paint.

Would this, then, be the sort of thing you would mention to your spouse - that it bothers you?<P>My WS is sooooo touchy about "telling her what to do" (whether about counseling, books to read, websites to check, etc.) that I hesitate since I don't want to LB by bringing it up and having her think that way.<P>Or, simply leave it alone for now - hoping that if it does start staying on (if she ever finds the ring again!) that maybe it will mean a good thing?<P>I wish there were simple answers to all these issues...<P>Best, always -

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by spiritfilled:<BR><B>My WS is sooooo touchy about "telling her what to do" (whether about counseling, books to read, websites to check, etc.) that I hesitate since I don't want to LB by bringing it up and having her think that way.<BR>Best, always -</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Spiritfilled,<BR>IMHO, the rings means a lot -- My WS would find reasons not to wear it quit a bit 3 months before & up to D-Day.-- During our brief seperation she did not wear on occasion, like when she went to bar with cousins, but she always wears know (since 02-10-01).<P>I left part of your quote above because this is how my W is, curious if this is common with WS or are you & I just a couple whimps -- this LB things always makes me wonder as well about confronting issues??<P>

Perhaps you could suggest that as part of your "newfound reconciliation" attempt, you should buy her a NEW wedding ring to symbolize your NEW commitment to each other. Her reaction might tell a lot. If she's really lost the ring, she CAN'T wear it. Make the suggestion romantic. <P>If you're not sure the timing is right, you probably ought to leave it alone until you ARE sure.<P>My WH never took off his ring, and I've always wondered how OW felt about it being there. How could it not have bothered her? Insecurities run rampant. <P>The Hat.