Hello,<BR>I am new on this site. I was just browsing the web site and ran across this web site. I have read a lot of interesting topics. My prayers are with all of you. I am asking for anyone that believes in God and believe his will be done in my life to help me understand why I can not move on with my life. I am a 35 year old female, I was married for only 2 years and in those 2 years the Lord bless me with a beautiful baby girl, by my husband. I shall never forget on the day of our anniversary when I told him, his comments where just, Oh!. And we had been praying and asking God to bless us with a child. This is my first child and my first marriage. <BR>I started figuring out that my marriage was falling apart when he got a pager and from there he started working late, then he would have to go work on Sunday's and he never wanted to work on Sunday's. I never stop trusting him, but I did approach him and asked him was something going on that I needed to no about. He said everyting was fine. My annivesary was in July 1999 in August 1999 he said he did not want his marriage anymore. I was four months and I was completely stunned. I tried to talke with him but he would not talk, he said that I aggervated him. So I stop communicatin with him unless he called. I was under so much pressure until I had to be restricted from work and put to be bed. The only income that I had was mine. He never came to any of the Dr.'s appointments, he never called just to see how I was doing are anything. And if he did call he would call and just say that things could not work out. <P>So in December 1999 I asked not to call anymore because it was to much of strain on me and the child. So far I was doing good. I found out later the lady that I thought was messing around with my husband, that told me to my face that she was not, was seeing my husband, they had moved in together. I continue to work part-time and my hours had been shorten by employer because of health reason. My child was due March 1st my last day at work was January 31st. <BR>I managed to get the baby nursery and everything ready, He did not contribute to any of this. I 5 days past my due date March 1 2000. I had made up in my mind I was not going to call him, I left to go to the hosiptal and my sister contacted him and did show up to my surprise. Shortly after 14 hours of labor and I delivered, he left. He did show any kinda of concern or happiness about the birth of our child.<P>I did not hear from him any more, When I did arrive home, I had a message on my voice mail that my employer did not need me anymore and that the poistion that I had was no longer available. I did not have a job to return to, my benifits were terminated immediatly and I did'nt have anything, all my savings were put into my child nursery, I lost my home, I lost everything. As time went Nvember of 2000 he married the young lady that was a memeber of the church we both attended and that he was living with. I still have not been able to understand what is going on and why. This young lady was married as well. They both filed for divorce at the same time.<P>I love my husband, When I found that I was completely destroyed, He has not had a relationship with his daugheter since she been in the world. He did not come for her first baptism, first thanksgiving, first christmas, and the saddest is he missed her first birthday party. <P>I feel like my husband made a decision of allowing the devil to destroy his marriage. To make this topic short. I still love my husband, not because he is the father of my child, but because, I felt that when I prayed to God and asked him to bless me with a husband, he blessed me with this man. I do believe that God knows what is best for me. I have tried to move on with my life as well as trying to block memories and my ex-husband out. But each day I am reminded of him. I finally got a call from my ex-husband and he wanted to see the baby, but he wanted to take somewhere, which means away from me. I don't really don't trust him with her by his self. I bascially told him that I have not had problem with yu having a relationship with his daughter and that I have no problem with him coming to get her. The only problem I have is that you have a wife that betrayed me and I will not allow my daughter to be around her. After I made that statement, he hung the phone up in my face. And to this day I have not heard from him. In my mind I said I hope I did the right thing.<P>It has been 1 year since our divorce. I have not met anyone nor have I been involved with anyone, because my heart is still with him. <P>I want to be happy, feel my happiness is with him. Our child does not even have a relationship with him to no who he really is. Because I think of him all the time. And you would think a year is enough time to aleast heal a litte.<P>Did I make the right decision<BR>A cry for Help!!<P><P>------------------<BR>
