My wife has felt emotionally abandoned for the last four years. Not to make any excuses but I was in a state of depretion due to the loss of four children at birth and my father within a three year period. My eyes are open now and I am medicated but I fear it is too late. She has now had an affair because "in her eyes we are no longer a married couple" and she is insisting on staying in touch with this person because "he is the only one that truely understands her." At this point she is not sure if she wants to save our marriage or not. She just doesn't feel anything for me other than contempt. I'm not sure I have the strength to get through this even though I want it to work out more than anything in the world. She has moved out into an apartment with our two girls and I can't help but feel she is in constant contact with the other man. Please help me, Lord!<P>Dave<P>

My H has said much the same thing. He has said he admires me, but is not in love with me. He has said he doesn't want to be married. He has said (with tears in his eyes) that he wants to be with 'her.' He has said he would have died with out her and that not talking to her is 'not for negotiation.'<P>But he keeps wearing his wedding ring and he keeps coming home.<P>Actions speak louder than words. Four weeks ago I would have thought he would have been gone by now. I have even told him that he could go. <P>Don't push. Have patience. Work on fixing yourself. With time will come perspective.<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7

Cali, I don't see how you have the strength to put up with it. I know you said actions speak louder than words but I don't think I can "share" my wife. This is by far the most painful thing I have ever had to go through including the unexpected loss of my father. I think you got it right, though. I need to fix me first and then hopefully she will come around. Thanks<P>dave<BR>

It will rank right up there with being the hardest thing you have ever lived through. If you read some of my posts from the beginning, you never would have thought I could sound so strong.<P>I have done a lot of praying. I have done a lot of soul-searching. I have done a lot of reading.<P>Do I like 'sharing' my H? No! I absolutely hate it. But I have not control over his actions, only mine. And I am bound and determined to exit from this in a better place. I will never be the same as I was before...but I can be better.<P>With God all things are possible.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7