My WS does not feel like she is making any progress with her local counselor. Not really sure if it has more to do my wife or the counselor. I feel that my own counselor is not really getting around to working on my/our recovery (at least not as straight forward as in Dr. Harley's books). How does one go about finding a good counselor?<P>Also, I don't know how to avoid making these next questions sound stupid but, while rebuilding our relationship is worth any expense, it does get expensive. After reading Dr. Harley's books, I think his offices might be able to really help my wife and I out (better than what I've experienced locally). In fact I'm this > < close to calling to set up an appointment. However, since long-term counseling may be needed, it seems like weekly telephone counseling will send us into debt rather quickly. Is it most couples experiences that the telephone counseling will last months and into years on a weekly? Is there a rule of thumb for the frequency of counseling sessions? I want the best but I may not be able to afford it over the long term. However, I think that rebuilding our relationship deserves the best help possible. Any suggestions besides calling me cheap? The good Lord knows I don't need to be beat up anymore, if you know what I mean.

Dear SprayerGuy<BR>I have found the same as you. I have been to see one counsellor here and talked to another on the phone but found they were not as knowledgable as the Harley's about A's. I have had 2 sessions with the Harley's and found them very beneficial. I cannot afford to use them anymore but they sure helped to get me going in the right direction.<BR>Also, there are alot of free counselling tools on this website (questionaires and information) that you could use if your WS is ready. If she is not ready to work on your marriage, it is pretty difficult for counselling to help, although maybe the Harley's could if she'll talk to them.<BR>Good luck!

<BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino