I don't think any planning can help me at this point.<P>I told my H if he got back with OW that I wouldn't be there for him. He took it to mean we were through, I'm not sure what I meant. He choose to get back together with her. Now that means I should follow through and end it.<P>I don't think I have any love units left. I am just very sad.<P>I fear if I plan B and write my love letter that it will just make me seem sappy and make my H lose respect for me. He maintains that I forced him into staying these past two years, and he was afraid I would kill myself (I was suicidal when he first told me about OW and have been in the past). He feels I manipulated him into staying because of the kids. He says just get over it and stop clinging on to him. By giving him the plan B letter and saying I will always be here after he has hurt me this bad, isn't that just saying "I'm desperate" and "I'm a sap" because I'll always take him back?<P>Do I even want to take him back? yes, I guess I do if I knew he was truly sorry and I could trust him again. Everyone except the people on this board think I'm crazy for saying that.<BR>

HH<P>I know this is hard, but it's past time for B and you know it, get some thck skin and dig in, you can do this. Now is not the time to waffle. Read the reply to Twyla from Muzohead here in recovery on Pg 3 <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/003300-3.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/003300-3.html</A> <P>I think he's right. A is not the only answer proposed by the Harley's, and it's time for a good B. You can do this.<P>

What will happen if you go to plan B? <BR>H returns to work on marriage.<BR>H does not.<P>What will happen if you don't?<BR>H returns to work on marriage.<BR>H does not.<P>Does it mean your a sap if you take him back? If it does, there's a whole lotta saps out there! If you take him back and he doesn't want to be back, if he's not fully committed to marriage, maybe...<P>But, if he comes back and wants to fully commit and really work at a satisfying fulfilling marriage...Then???<P>If your love bank is almost empty, according to Harleys it is time for plan B. You need time to heal and work on yourself and your children. You need time to protect yourself from further hurt and create some distance and perspective.<P>YOU CAN DO THIS! Look at all you've been through so far. Now it is time to heal yourself!!<P>My counselor told me this week that I was too 'other person' focused. That I don't pay attention to me. I take care of everyone else first. I sense from our similar posts that you are much the same.<P>SOOO. We are going to make a pact, you and I! To take care of ourselves. If we don't, who will?<P>Keep posting and keep me updated and I'll do the same. I'm going to set up an email account for MB'ers. When I do, I will share my email address and we can communicate that way too. .<P>new account: InShockinCali@excite.com<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7<p>[This message has been edited by InShockinCali (edited June 07, 2001).]

Cali's right - you CAN do this, and I think a good plan B is the way to go now. Protect yourself. You say you feel sadness when you think about giving up on him - this tells me that you do still have some units left in that love bank. You still care. <P>Listen to what Cali said - you have survived and coped with so much, you are such a strong woman and it is YOUR choice what to do next, YOU have control of this situation. We are all behind you and sending you strength and hugs. Another thing I have learned that is very, very valuable to me is this:<P>If in doubt, wait. <P>Very simple, but very true. If there is any doubt at all in your mind as to whether you should give up or keep going - then just wait. do nothing for a couple of days and see how you feel then.<P>love Paint.

<BR>I set up a MB email alias scaredinny@hotmail.com would welcome emails from y'all.

You guys!! <P>You just won't let me quit, will you? Why is it that EVERYONE else I talk to just says dump the guy, he's not worth it, go find someone else, he's using you (which he is), etc. <P>You guys are the only ones that seem to say what's in my heart and make me feel like it's the right thing to do. Thanks.<P>There is no doubt in my mind about Plan B. I've been set on it since Tuesday but was unable to contact my H until today when circumstances just were not right to give him the letter (I have to re-write it now based on what he has said).<P>My doubt comes from whether or not to Plan B or just let him get a divorce. I am making him file, that is for sure, but I don't think he will right away since I already told him I wouldn't give it to him.<P>I guess I'll be a sap and plan B, it's not like I care if he likes me any less at this point, right?

Plan B takes a lot of strength, you are not a 'sap' for trying it. I've got my own modified Plan B working now, and I found that when I started it (a month ago), that my head started to clear and things are getting better for me. It's empowering yourself.<P>You've made up your mind, now is the time to follow through, you can't get any worse off. It may just be the kick in the [censored] that he needs, and it may take time. But remember, this is time for you. Live for yourself, heal yourself, help yourself. Make yourself into the kind of person that he will regret leaving for the rest of his life. And then, if and when the day comes that he wants back, you'll have the perspective and frame of mind that you'll need to take that challenge on, if you choose.<P>Things will get better, starting now. Take care, and all the best.