up until now, even after everything I've read, I THOUGHT that the MM I knew was a pretty decent person and the fact that he chose to have an affair was like his only major character flaw. WRONG! Now, I am by no means an UGLY woman, I'm not conceited, but I've been told enough times by enough people that I am an attractive young lady, but I'm not planning on competing in any beauty pageants or anything. In fact, I honostly think his wife is prettier than I am because she is thinner than I am...she's like a size 5/6 and I am a size 9/10. Also, she is of a lighter complexion than I am. I've often wondered WHY he cheated on her with ME. But today just took the cake. I was sleeping and my mom came and told me to pick up the phone.<BR>I looked at the caller ID first and it said "out of area" so I figured it was safe. I answered the phone and it was MM. Usually his work number shows up. He said that he was calling from work. He said, "you don't sound like yourself, are you sleeping? " I said yeah, I'm pretty tired. He asked what happened to me yesterday (when he called and my brother told him I wasn't home) I told him I was just out running some errands. He asked if he could see me today. I said that I didn't have any gas money to go see him. ( it was a really LAME excuse) and he said that HE would give me some money when I got there.He said he got off of work at 6 and his Wife was going to go get her hair done at 6 and it should take her an hour so she wouldn't be home until about 7.Keep in my they JUST moved into their brand new home and he already wants me to come up there as soon as she's gone. I said that I didn't even have enough gas to get there. He knows I get paid on Fridays so he said, "Well, she's getting induced on Monday and since I'm going to work on Tuesday she doesn't expect me to stay at the hospital Monday night. She wants me to make sure the house is ready for the baby. Could you come up and spend the night with me Monday?" I couldn't believe my own ears. I said, "WHAT THE F---?! That is the most dispicable thing I have ever heard! How could you even THINK about laying up with another woman in the bed you and your wife share while she's in the hospital after she just had your baby? I am so disappointed in you. You are garbage." He said he didn't think about it like that and he just wanted to see me one more time before things got so hectic around the house with the new baby being home. I said, I serioulsly doubt if that will happen. He said, I guess I shouldn't have woken you up; you get cranky when people wake you up. I gotta get back to work but I'll call you later. I just hung up the phone. What else should I have done?<P><BR>

Wow,<P>Welcome to MB, I have to tell you that you are making the right choice to cut it off with this guy. Imagine yourself in his wife's shoes for one minute and you see your potential future with him anyhow. Please do stop contact with him. The best way to do it is with a no contact letter followed by nothing, block his numbers emails whatever- nothing it is the only way.<P>Here is a potential format for your letter, please anyone feel free to jump in and help edit this:<P>""XXXX, <P>I want you to know that out of respect for your wife and baby, and myself, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that your wife did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay your wife for the pain I have caused her, I will do my best to become a person I can respect again and not add further to the hurt. I care a great deal for your family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.<P>Sincerely, <BR>XXXXX ""<P>You are right doing this, it is best for everyone.<P><BR>

Tooweak , the next thing you should do is RUN LIKE HELL away from this man.

You're just getting a tiny peek into his psyche... I'll bet that these are some of his <B>better</B> qualities. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>What else should I have done?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Next time he calls... <B>every</B> time he calls, you think about what he said and tell him, "Don't ever call me again, you stinking dirtbag."<P>And hang up on him.<P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

WhoDat,<P>Sometimes I wish I could put you in my pocket and have you pipe words into my ears...<P>You are awesome!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

You did very well. At that very moment, there really is not much more that you could have done. It's interesting to me that you blurted out such a good, clear reaction of discust to his wanting you to stay with him at his house. Good for you! I think you are making wonderful progress.<P>Hopefully someday, sooner then later, you will be able to be more direct and just tell him that you do not want to see him ever again.<P>I think that you are coming out of the fog. You were able to see and feel how terrible it was that he'd do this to his wife. By the way, did you notice that he discounted your reaction? Made that comment about how you are grouchy when you first wake up? Here you have a strong reaction to something he's doing and he blows it off??? Remember this, he will do the same things to you that he is doing to his wife. <P>I can "see" your growth over the last week or so on this forum. We are all here to support you.<P>You deserve much better then this,<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

WhoDat: What a great follow-up line if she gets stuck talking to him again. It has such a wonderful flow and continuity with what Tooweak has already said. LOL<P>Tooweak: You Go Girl!!! Great move. Time to change that handle... You've obviously outgrown it. Good job! Now that you've finally seen his bad side, focus on it. It will make it easier to sever the emotional ties (but I think you're well on your way). Right now, in this moment... you are my hero.<P><BR>

Way to GO!!!!<BR>No run and never look back.<BR>If you feel the urge to talk to him, come here first.<BR>Glad you are starting to see things for what they are.<P>cleo

Tooweak, you were brilliant! Well done. Everyone is right - this man is a complete dirtbag and you definately deserve better. There are a lot of really good men out there, and this man is NOT one of them. He is starting to show you what an ugly person he really is.<P>hugs, Paint.

Baseballhat: I’m not around much any more, but Nyneve will tell you that I’m the Official MarriageBuilders Master of Tact and Diplomacy... LOL.<P>Thanks for the good thoughts. <P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited June 07, 2001).]

I am a married BS and I was involved with a MM who had children during our affair. I confessed to my husband last June and we are in recovery. Thankgod my husband is giving me a chance. Now that my eyes are wide open and I can see the destruction I caused I would like to share something with you that my husband told me a few weeks ago during one of our sessions where he asks me "how I could have done this?"<P>The topic was my husbands self esteem and ego as a man. I neglected him so much during my affair sexually that he is very needy now and I cant keep up with his pace. He said to me that I should be greatful he is asking me all the time because if he werent he would be like MM cheating and not bothering his wife for sex cause MM had me to use."<P>My husband is a good man. He did not deserve any of what I did to him and I intend to spend the rest of my days on earth trying to make him see how sorry I am and how much I love and adore him.<P>Your MM is using you just as mine did. I was also "TOOWEAK" when it came to my MM. My MM had 2 children during our affair and looking back those were the times when he was most persistant. His wife probably unsuspecting gets to tell all her "girlfriends" how lucky she is that he does not "pester" her for sex.<P>You really need to get a grip on this man and read about mens tricks. I wish I had before I fell and damn near ruined so many lives.<P>There is a man out there for you!!! Get rid of this uncaring BOZO before he does more damage. Trust me on this...if he is anything like my MM he will move on to the next woman ASAP! He is probably a serial adulterer like my OM was. Sad but I was so naive and blind during that time. He could do no wrong. Now I can see him for what he was/is and thankgod my husband is still here for us to pick up the pieces of the train wreck.<P>The thing that helped me the most was going to confession. Once I did that I felt a huge burden lift and was finally able to confront my demons and move on and fix all the wrongs I caused.<P>I am sorry this is rambeling and disjointed but I am so angry by your MM. How dare he bring children into the world when he cant control his own urges. Think of this scum and how he would probably kick his wife out if she did any of what he is doing.