Hi, <P>This thread is being started as a continuation from another thread on the plan a/b site. It originally started out as a post to an OW who was trying to 'justify' her A yet claim no responsibility to the demise of the marriage and breakup of the family. <P>Now the purpose of this thread is to show in a 3rd person form what the true impact is of an A. Many are new here, greatly hurt and troubled. The last thing we need is someone promoting and justifying more hurt and more trouble. Also, many here need to be directed to the valuable tools offered by MB, the books, questionnaires, basic concepts, counseling sessions, etc. <P>While everyone has a different scenario, the pain, anguish and displacement are generally the same. I have not worked out all the details yet, but I am planning to leave the endings to each of the reader's imagination. <P>As in real life, this is not all drama. I hope any OW (not in recovery) and one who does not value the family arrangement over their own selfishness will see how much they do play a part in breaking up a family, whether they realize it or not. "Denial is a state of mind, not a river in Egypt" (a title of a book I read) and the OW who thinks they can justify their A (by being in denial) as a good enough thing to live by needs to realize their impact on society. <P>So without much more ado, here is the script. Sit back and relax. All comments, script changes, critiques, etc. are greatly appreciated. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>So you don't think you are in any way responsible for the demise of the marriage irregardless of what state is was in 'before' you got involved?<P>Well, let's use that 'logic' and see whether you are in the fog or not....... The scene is at a family's home. You are viewing the Attempted murder of a marriage. The parties are H, W, children (3 - any age, let's say 3, 5 & 8 - 2 boys and 1 girl), OW and OW's H. There could be more like OW's children but that is for the next sequel.....<P>Scene opens: D/d - W finds out about A. H confesses says marriage was/is over. (background: H & OW have been EA for 5 months/PA for 3 months). H says too many problems, won't discuss. Says he has found the right lover. W is confused, angry, hurt and in shock. H (major conflict avoider graduate) leaves. H moves out in 2 weeks. Children are confused start to ask a lot of questions. W can't answer correctly (still in shock), H won't face family. <P><BR>Cut over to scene 2 in process: D/d: H informs OW that W knows of A. OW is jumping for joy, yet she sees the tears in H's face and attempts to show compassion. OW even tells H to go back to W and work it out. As she says that, OW tempers it by saying, 'you know it won't work out, but please try.' It is a struggle for her, OW almost can't hold back her laughter. She stutters a bit, H thinks she really means it, go back to W. So under this 'false pretense' as setup by OW, H goes back to his family. <P>Ah.... the murder plot thickens. Who is the killer, who is the victim(s)? Is there an accomplice? <P>Scene 3: H says he has come home. H continues contact with OW. OW is now willing to see H any which way she can. Doing the dirty deed all over town in many locations. Been even spotted by owls (short for: OW legal spies)!!!!! Is H really home? Physically at night, but the charade can't continue for long. H is getting plain ol' tired. 2 women at at once. If he keeps this up, he may shrink up and die. H is in turmoil but 2 women are 'happy'. Then the killing begins. <P>Scene 4: OW now has her hook firmly planted in H. H can't live without OW. Has to see and talk to her daily. W is beginning to notice signs of fatigue and an increasing temper with H. Why? W and children are trying hard and doing a good plan A. <P>Commercial: W found MB.com. Read Basic Concepts. Read all books, Hn/Hn, Surviving an Affair, Givers/Takers, etc.<BR>Had phone counseling session with Jennifer Harley. W posted 1st to the JFO site, then moved on to GQII. W is a daily poster and now considered a 'member'.<P>Scene 5: After 2 weeks, H confesses he can't keep up the charade. Tells W he must move out, needs to think and be on his own. W concedes. Children are again confused. <P>Repeat Scene 2,3, 4 & 5. Do this 2 more times. <P>....Scene 9 (scene 5 replays) + 8 year old is having trouble in school. 5 year old tells playmates dad moved out.<BR>Dad cuts down his visits to once a week.<P>....Scene 13 (scene 5 replays) + 8 year old needs counseling, 3 year old doesn't remember dad. Dad is not visiting or calling anymore. <BR> <BR>Commercial: W regular poster at MB.com now checks out the d/d site. Wonders if she belongs here. Plan A or B? Is W being disloyal if she goes to plan B? Finances are tight. In jeopardy of losing the homestead. W gets a lot of support at mb. W meets with Jennifer again. W's resolve is strengthened and now can face H and his situation with greater conviction. <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Scene 17: Now 16 weeks after d/d, W discusses with her counselor the option of implementing Plan B. How to do it with children? Counselor reassures W that many have done it. It requires firm resolution on the W's part and a sign to know if it is working is to watch for the waffle. <P>Is a plan B letter required? Counselor recommends one but it is optional. This H does like to get things in writing, so this may be a good thing. Write carefully, give yourself time to think about the C says. <P>W writes up a storm. Filled with emotion, W sends the letter to the C. The letter is sent directly to the shredder. Try again, this time remember that this is a 'tough love' letter not a let's rip your head off letter. Oh says the W, I forgot, must be getting a bit foggy. With a clear head and a calm heart, the W attempts another plan B letter. <P>Scene 18: At the same time, OW (a senior member of gloryb.com) is planning her own plan x. OW is now pressuring H to treat her as the most important person in his life. Forget his family. Let me rewrite your memory banks she softly whispers to the WS. Then she began the next phase of mind control (oh now this is turning into a science fiction movie). Her subtle words whispered in his ear at night tell him that W kicked out H, W abused H, W abused the children, W stole H's money (to feed and clothe the family). Shame on W. Why should H want to be married to such a horrible woman? OW is much better. OW only wants H's attention. Dowry will come later. Just wine and dine OW and all will be fine. <P>In the morning the WS wakes up and lo' and behold, his memory banks are now filled with all this new info. H immediately calls his W and says, "I will Divorce you."<P>Scene 19: W is stunned but not knocked off her feet. She knew this was coming. Some of her support at MB forewarned her. W calmly says ok. Deep inside she is hurt, down to the deepest part of her sold she has been wounded. Is this the deathdealing blow? No.... more is to come. <P>W picks herself up and continues with her daily activities. Kids don't let you take a break. A routine is important to the children. Even though H is not there, W has established a new routine for the children and all are adapting quite well. <P>Scene 20: H dutifully gives status report to Captain OW. This calm and cool reaction from W disturbs OW. Must resort to new battle plan. Tonight, OW will give new instructions to her WS android. Must discredit W, OW whispers to WS, must kick her out of 'your' home, must not give W any more money, WS belongs to OW now.....<P>In the morning, the WS robot visits W and relays all these messages. Another stab to the heart and pocket book. This time with a twist. H will take the children away unless W grants the divorce. Is this the fatal blow? <P>What will the W do?<P>Stop!!!!<P>Here are the options:<P>W: plan A - continue to put H's interests<BR> ahead of her own and tell H how<BR>much she loves him in spite of <BR> what he is doing to his family.<P> plan B - tough love. W says she loves H<BR> and family. However, H's <BR> actions is forcing a choice and <BR> W must choose the family over<BR> H to protect her family and her<BR> love. <P>Neither option is guaranteed. However with option A, the A can continue as is for an indefinite period of time. With option B, in most cases something will happen. Either divorce or reconciliation.<P>It is not just about the Ws wanting to come back. Sometimes the BS realize that they don't want the WS back. Sometime the OW gives up or keeps trying. Maybe even the children give up. Let's not forget the influence of the OW's H, he can be a deciding factor as well. <P>All this means that there is no guarantee in the outcome. Each situation is different. However, all in this situation have an influence and an impact on the outcome. <P>No OW or OM is ever exempt from the effects the A has on the marriage. Just as an accomplice can be indited/convicted for a crime and have to serve the sentence, an OW/OM is guilty. <P>What will the outcome be? You decide. This is not written about a specific person. Yet most of us can see ourselves in a piece of this play. <P>Just as you can control yourself, you can control how you will react. Plan B is not a guarantee plan to recover a marriage, but it is a motivator for many to think about what life would be like without their mate. Especially for the WS to think about. <P>To the OW in the plan A/B site: You are responsible for the breakup of any family where you have influenced anyone to leave. Like it or not, your day of reckoning will come. Your denial will not be an excuse that will save you from what you deserve. You do have the option to keep your word and leave the Ws, thereby making yourself a better person. Then you will not further your guilt. But to send someone home knowing you are going to pull them back, totally abolishes all so called good will attempts that you wish to take credit for. <P>You sound a lot like the OW I have had the displeasure of dealing with. So there are a lot of your kind out there. What a sad place this world is. <P>So these are my thoughts. <P><BR>L.<BR> <P><BR>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited June 07, 2001).]<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited June 07, 2001).]
