Hi I was told about this site from a friend. I have been reading a few of the posts and it is hard to understand some of the MM and OW stuff. I am in the process of surviving an affair, not mine My H. He was sent away for his Job for a 12 month duration. He came home after the first 6 months and all was well. Then in the last 6 months things began to change. I was at home raising our children while he was never in his room. I chalked it up to him working. He began to NEVER be ANYWHERE for me to talk to him, but i was blissfully waiting for him to come home, not seeing any of the signs as i do now. Finally he came home and for b not being with me for 6 months he was so dettached to me. We has sex that night but it took a while for him to get excited. That put my radar on that night. He said he was tired. Well then we got back into our life, sort of suddenly this man i married began too look for things that he thought i was doing. He thought i was having an affair online, having phone sex with strangers, all this horrid stuff. When I was not. After one week home he asked me for a divorce. He was still checking everything. I was not allowed to do anything with out him with me i was slowly feeling suffocated. Finally i saw something that set my off. I was on the couch napping and he was online i heard him typing fast and furious. I got up and came to where he was and the screen was pulled down. that for him is odd. I asked him what he was doing and he said emaiiling a freind and let me see paart of it it seemed harmless, but i still felt something not right. He had to go out for a bit and i broke into his email and there i founf them Emails from a woman he worked with where he had been. Nothing saying they had an affair but non the less very intamate too intamate for someone who was not married to him. It was so personal about our kids our life our sex life. HOw she will be there for him and that he deserves better, and that OUr problems are not his fault. Well he came home and all i could think of to ask was did you f**k her. He asked me what i was talking about then i showed hin the emails and i got the just a freind speech. I still did not feel right. I let it stand. Then next day i emailed the letters to a friend and asked her to read them and she said what i thought HE had an affair and i needed to confront him again. SO i came got my kids, took them to a friends, and asked him one last time did he sleep with that woman. He said yes. I about died. Then i asked the is she the only one and got a NO that shocked me. He had a 4 day fling 2 years ago while i was dealing wiht depression. OMG. Now i had to deal with something i never though i would ever have to I was the # 1 NOT MY HUSBAND person. So we sat and talked about it for days. I got all the details and i even emailed her asking for an apology/ To which she replied and said she was in fact helping our our marriage as my hubby was so sad. I want to kill her. WHile my husband was telling me i have never seen him so hurt and my heart broke, alli could do was hug the man because he looked so hurt. At that moment he broke and asked mne why i could even touch him, Honestly because i love him. ANd then things changed. We talk now it has been 2 ,months since i have been told,and they have been 2 full and loving months. I love this man and i know he loves me, We are working on being friends and all that that entails. I am taking baby steps. I seem to have these triggers that go off almost every day that make me mad sad jealous all that bad stuff. Does that get better?? I donot trust women around him, i cry at times, I scream, i write letters every day. Jealousy is a new emotion for me. and I realized that bye keeping the thoughts of him and the OW in my head is so giveing her power in my life a life that she does not belong. There sorry so long winded but u i have needed to get htat out for 2 months. Any help on how to get through it i would love to hear. We are staying together, and my family is not very supportive about that. But i still know him beter than anyone else. The affairs were for comfort ( which he did not get) not of an emotional hold. He never gave them his heart, That means something to me. Thanks for listening

<BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino