AHH!! This is really pissing me off.<P>My H is talking to some of our mutual friends and is telling everyone that he was miserable for 2 years, I forced him to stay, basically drawing sympathy and making it okay for him to leave us and be with OW.<P>He re-writes history and makes it seem like I was the bad person and anyone else in his shoes would have done the same thing.<P>I know he is just justifying what he did. (The same way he had me come back for 4 weeks while OW was on vacation, got a job and set himself up, then moved out the same day she got back and hoooked right back up with her). In everyone's eyes, HE left first, then got back with her so it makes their relationship okay!!<P>Please, somebody sanity check me and tell me my H is totally wrong!

Oh, the reason it was "okay" because he moved out was because it was only an EA w/ kissing before he moved out.

He's totally wrong, and you are:<P>level headed,<BR>sane,<BR>grounded,<BR>in control,<BR>sensible,<BR>strong,<BR>on the right path.<P>hugs, Paint.

HBH,<P>Your husband is "rallying the troops" to gain support. Of course he's going to twist things in his favor - he can't really tell all of your friends exactly what he did, can he? That would be painting himself into a corner.<P>I think that some of our mutual friends, during H's EMR, chose sides and stayed on his side because of what he told them about our marriage. I was quite concerned about this and told my counselor. My counselor told me that any friend who didn't even bother to call me up and ask me if it was true was NOT A REAL FRIEND!!!!<P>So ... I know this seems difficult. But keep your wits. Don't defend yourself. Don't try to paint your H into a bad person. Have grace and dignity. Say nothing about your marriage to these friends. It's none of their business. The ones who are loyal to you will remain loyal. The ones who were never your friends to begin with will side with your H. It's an excellent opportunity to find out who *is* your friend and who *isn't.* I found out very quickly who my friends were NOT during H's EMR. And I'm glad for that, because I was able to prune them from my life with ease.<P>Another thing to consider: people eventually find out the truth. Your H can try and skew things in his favor, but eventually his actions and deeds will show these friends what he's really made of. You can only fool people for so long before they get tired of your nonsense and move on. How do I know? I've had friends who've tried to make themselves "look good" in these types of situations. Eventually, their callousness and self-centeredness showed through. And I gave 'em the big diss!<P>Hugs to you, hbh. I know this hurts. But ... you know the truth. You know what really happened and how it came about. These friends, however, do not. Your H is lying to them, just like he lied to you. <P>((hugs))<P>belldandy

Yes, I feel your pain. My WH used my birthday celebration to inform all of our friends that he was in the midst of his A. I think he was expecting them to "high five" him or something. They didn't. Now he wonders why they avoid him, and he's upset with THEM. It's the fog. There's no logic to it.<P>Chin Up!!! He'll get his.

HBH - so, so, so, so, so typical. See? they all DO report to the same mothership.<P>My wife moved out of our house and was bold enough to tell others that I had left HER!<P>Would you like a prediction of something he'll say next week? This is a portion of an actual conversation (I swear I am not making this up):<P>Me: You are the one who moved out.<BR>Her: I had to, It was your decision NOT to leave!!!<P>WAT

Mine told everyone that I kicked him out, lol!<P>I think he was getting confused ... we *were* separated for a brief time pre-XOW, when I had filed for divorce. But at the time he moved out, the divorce suit had been dropped and he'd even agreed to go to marriage counseling with me. We were still H and W. He moved out about a week after I paid for a hideously expensive trip to New Orleans so that we could connect again. He met the XOW while he was living in the house. With me.<P>I have our marriage another chance.<P>He chose to leave me and move in with XOW.<P>He claimed that we were "separated." Hmmm .... no legal separation in Texas. Especially when there's not a divorce pending. I find it offensive whenever he uses that term, "separated." He made the decision *for* me. I don't call that separation; I call that abadonment.<P>That's all there is to it.<P>End of Story.<P>Finis.<P>No one will ever know this - aside from me and him. And the few people who saw both sides of the story and knew exactly what was going on.<P>belld

Ahhh.... Just what I needed to hear. You guys rule! Thanks for the support and making me believe I am not "blind"!!

My XH went around and told everyone that he left me because I was a money grabbing gold digger. That I spent all his money and put us into debt.<P>First of all I left him because he was abusive and a serial cheater.<P>I'm still trying to figure out the gold digger on. I supported us through medical school and residency with my business and savings. When he finished residency we had a total of $5,000 indebt. That debt was the slush fund I used to even out cash flow for my business. When was the last time you heard of anyone getting out of medical school with no debt? He did .... not one penny of medical school debt.<P>During the entire marriage he stashed his monthly inheritance checks and any of my money he could get his hands on into investments in his and his mother's name.<P>But I'm the gold dinner........ LOL and shaking my head.<P>Z<BR>

Gotta jump in on this one. <P>I was informed by OW in an e-mail that I kicked my H out. H did tell her that in an e-mail. I didn't, he said he needed to leave since he wanted to be independant and prove he could make it on his own, that he did not want to be married and responsible anymore. Also, that I used my H for a 'money machine'. Hm..... let's see, since I was paying for all the family bills with my income, H was using his checks for his business and personal expenses and day care. Let's see what part of the money machine was I using? <P>Ok, so now that H is back, I've decided to cash in on that money machine. You know what? It is broken. Low on funds. Behind in his bills and we are playing catch thanks to my 'creative financing abilities'. Hmm.... FOGHEADS!!!<P>Back up a bit, H went out there to the world telling OW and others (who he knew would never talk to me to validate) that I was the one who put him in debt. Who day traded? Who owes back taxes? Hm..... Thanks to the laws out here we both owe together. I guess this is the part of the vow I was not counting on 'for better or worse'. Maybe it should have been rephrased to: 'for his wise or his stupid decisions'. Then I might have thought a bit harder.<P>L.<P><BR> <BR>