It has been just over three months since d-day, the day he moved out to live with her. He has come to visit me 2-3 times a week since he left. I have been working hard on plan A and we've had some nice times together. He was here again today and we went for lunch. He is always very polite and keeps paying the big bills on this house.He never talks about A or anything close to it.We discuss safe subjects only.We have been sexually intimate on several occassions.He did say at the beginning that he is in limbo.Part of me wants to stay in plan A and part of me wants to go to plan B. I'm a little afraid he will stop making the morgage payment if I go to plan B and I can't afford this house on my own.I write him letters about the A but he never comments.He really seems to like discussing our business with me (it's tire sales so I haven't been that involved with it in the past).I know they say to go to plan B when you feel you are tired in plan A but is there a better time to go to plan B as far as results go?<BR>I start to feel like I'm getting somewhere with him and then I don't see him for awhile and it feels like we're back where we started.<BR>I need advise whether to go to plan B or not. I am getting a little tired of this.

I have something that I think is important that I would like to add- I was the one that told him to leave when he moved out. He resisted a little but not too much. I wonder if this would mean I should plan A longer??? I think H was surprised that I have been plan Aing. I think H thought I would be happy to be rid of him(I haven't been a very good W at showing him I care for the past few years).

Hi Maezy,<P>Thanks for replying to my post. <P>I want to think you are right about would a relationship between the OW and anyone would work out, given her 3 marriage and 3 divorce and her 2 dwi convictions. <P>Obviously, I have no choice but to let go for the D. since he is the one who filed, then stopped it, and then filed and then stopped and then amended it in March 2001--hearing is June 15,next Friday. <P>Yes, I do think he will have to find out for himself. <P>AS I have read about affairs, they usually die a natural death when the what the op provides is finally outweighed by the total of their annoyances. So, for, ow continues to provide enough of something to keep her there. She is a manipulator and she has no one else who wants her. <P>When he stopped the first hearing, she found out from his sister. My H called his sister and cursed her out. Then inthe middle of the night, I got a phone call from ow who told me my H wants to talk to me--and I hung up. Three weeks later, he calls me and tells me that he starting a 2nd hearing. Then, he cancels that one on; So, I know taht for a long time there was ambivalence. But, now, she has a very strong hold and he is in an alcoholic stupor with her. I have no hope. I have to let the paper divorce go through.<P>My attorney convinced me to let him subpoena her for the hearing to question her about her dwi convictions which are public record in TExas. We have the documentation. Will she show? Probably, and I know I dread seeing her there but I will not look at her. It will hurt so very, very much to hear the divorce granted with her there because that has been her goal all along. Yet, I feel confident that her background will be significant in keeping my children from her. So, I have to swallow a big, bitter pill in order to try to obtain my husband seeing our children without her present. Also, she will have to admit on the stand that she has two dwi convictions. That will give me some satisfaction. I tried to inform my husband of this at one point, but he would not believe me. I don't know how much she has told him. She may have told him everything. And he is sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy with this dried up,weathered barmaid who he can drink with.<P>I don't want my children around her AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>If my husband makes the fatal decision to become her FOURTH HUSBAND, he will find out in time what I am could have told him--but do you think he would listen to me, his wife of 21 years.<P>By the say, June 7th was our 21st anniversary. VEry sad day for me--He probably didn't even remember.<P>I sent a Plan A letter in FEbruary. He knows how I feel, but now I have totally back off--total absence of pressure-might create suction-might not. <P>I have to act and pretend taht this is exactly what I wanted also, and I am so happy to have this freedom and space. (Of course, I am lying, and he probably knows but I told him anyway. I made sure I looked and smelled good when we met and I made it brief)<P>Even after a divorce, will I ever look safe enough for him to venture home again for reconciliation? AS hard as it is for me to admit, I can't sit and wait.<P>I read your post about the plans. So, for now, he is in an affair? Fill me in more. <P>Thanks for your encouraging words.<P>elo

The better time to go to Plan B is after a really good Plan A, so the impact to the WS is maximized. Just from what you say, I'd think that some more Plan A is best for you. But, I'm just one opinion. If you are able to take it longer and not LB, I'd continue because you are spending time together, and you say it is nice time.<P>Your case sounds like a good one for either option. You are seeing him, probably meeting some of his ENs (?), and obviously he doesn't seem to want to lose you. However, if it gets too much, then you can Plan B and it would then seem that there would be a definite impact on him.<P>Given that you asked him to leave, I'd make sure he knows your feelings about wanting him to come back. I'm assuming he knows that.<P>Your concern about the financial matters upon moving to Plan B is precisely what concerns me too. I fear that me moving to Plan B knocks the hornets nest down and they all come flying out after me. Oh well, in my case, it is essentially time anyway (1 year).<P><BR>

elo- I'll answer you in another post<P>Rick37<BR>Thanks again for your good advice. For some reason I thought everyone was going to tell me to go to plan B but maybe the fact that I'm not so sure is another reason why I should stay in plan A.<BR>I have let him know that I want him back home many times.I just don't understand how OW can have such a strong hold-in such a short time!LBing is not a problem for me. We never did fight. <BR>My adult daughter and I are planning on taking him out for dinner on Father's day. He has no reason to spend that day with her! That is my next big plan A event.<BR>I remember reading your post about the financial dilema of going to plan B. When you first went to plan A, what was your time limit to stay there? I've set a limit of six months.Have you decided to go to plan B for sure?<BR>Best wishes to you either way.<BR>