When H and I seem to have "up" times, I always start thinking about him and OW. Is he telling me the truth that IT only happened once?? How can I believe him????? We went to counseling and are going again in one week but...I feel like I am the only one trying to pick up the pieces of our marriage. Don't get me wrong, we talk but only about day-to-day stuff. And when we do talk about us, he just nods his head or says yeah. How can I have hope if he doesn't talk to me???? Each day seems to be getting easier but I cant stop thinking about him being in bed w/her. How am I ever going to get through this?? Does he really want our marriage to work OR is he just pacifying me until everything is smooth again and he goes off and F--ks HER again????? PLEASE HELP ME THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT TAKE MUCH MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>Kjn

Hi,<P>Have you been to the doctor? Also, what have you read out there? Surviving an Affair, His needs/her needs and taking the emotional needs questionnaires are important. Then you both can spend your time working on caring for the others emotional needs. <P>Sometimes knowing the gory details helps as far as now you know but mostly it just brings back bad memories. Each of you meeting the others needs are important for your recovery. Refocus your attention. If your H is not a talkative person, then tell him that is your need. <P>My H is not talkative either. But he sure chatted up a storm with OW. OW 's name by the way is Psyco Babble. She earned that title. So that tells you that they talked a lot. Her e-mails show that and so does his cell phone bills (over 2k). <P>Just this morning I asked H why he was able to chat so much and found it so easy to "I love you" to others. H said it was not easy. But that is all he said. Then I rephrased it to say, why could he say it to others and not to me. H replied: "I don't know". Bingo, my next challenge. <P>So now he knows my emotional need and I know what I can help him on. The funny thing is that when his best friend married us the 'one' instruction he gave H was to tell his wife everyday that he loved her and that would help the marriage survive. Well, H never took that advice and look at what happened. Hm......<P>Hope this helps. <BR>L.<BR>

Hi,<P>Well I totally understand how you are feeling. My best friend and Husband of 17 1/2 years had an A..said it happened over 3 weeks 3 times...I too was like you drove me nuts..I thought our whole marriage was a lie...and wondered, if he had others...he swore it never happened..<BR>So I had an idea, a friend of mine who H runs a hospital, said they use a co for lie detector testing...I did not want to let them know what was going on in my personal life..so I looked up Lie detector in the yellow pages...and there were about 5 listings. I found a guy who went to my H's office and he took it...he passed, and that helped me alot (I am one of those people that have to be in control of my life) it cost about 250.00, but would have been cheaper if H had gone there. anyway it is drastic..but H understood he had breached my trust, and I needed ans. I think someone else here did it too, at least she set it up..never heard if her H went or not, that will tell you alot too, if he refuses. Because he destroyed the trust it is HIS responsiblity to help you restore it. It is a thought<P>Hang in there..it gets a little better everyday (((huggs)) MC