We are married for a year and are both 33.<BR>Before we were engaged my husband went on a two week trip for business and saw his ex one on one. Although he told me prior to leaving that he will see his old buddies and her and they will go out in a group he never told me prior that he will see her one on one.it was a big surprise to me.<P>Obviously this toipic has been a problem for me from the start. Because he never told me about her I asked him to communicate what happend in their 6 months relationship ans why they broke up.<P>He came clear to me and also told me she cheated on him and told me about an incident where she went on a trip and came back and told him that she was intimate with someone. He said at that stage he did not care anymore, because he was leaving abroad permanently. <P>He told me they had a shallow relationship and that he did not love her and that she was convenient.<P>I tried to talk to him a couple of times about the fact that she cheated on him. But he denies that he ever told me about this. He is saying that he cannot remember and I feel he is not honest with me. How can he remember the story, tell me about it and then later repress it? And why is he repressing it so badly? He even started to tell me I made it all up. This has caused me distress because I feel he is blocking what should be an insignificant fact for a certain reason. I know that this is all in the past, but he hurt me by seeing her and I need to communicate with him. Why is this topic so traumatic for him to block it out of his mind. And how can I help him? I told him exactly what he told me, and I remember everything he told me, but he still insists that he didn't tell me and that he cannot remember anything like that.<P>It humiliates and aggravates me, because I feel he has built a wall around him and that he cannot be open with me. <P>Any thoughts?<BR>

Yes - Spouse's who 'can't remember' are 'forgetting' for a reason. He's also on the defensive, I'm sorry but you have found this website for a reason, and you know what your intuition is telling you don't you?<P>I don't know how long you knew each other before you married, and you have only been married for a year. If he's already lying to you so soon, then you need to take this as a BIG warning sign and really think about whether you want to continue in this relationship. Marriage Builders CAN and DOES save marriages, but those marriages must be worth all the hard work, hurt, pain and effort it takes to stay the course. Only you know whether he's worth it.<P>I'm sorry that you're going through this, and we are here if you need us.<P>hugs, Paint.