H is very adament about wanting D, that he is so in love with OW, says has been for 20 years.<P>But...<P>He is still at home<BR>He still goes and does things with kids & me<BR>He has not called a lawyer<BR>He has not told his children<BR>He has not told his parents<BR>He has not told his friends<BR>He has not trade the mini van in like he said he would<BR>He has not done any of the chores around the house<BR>Was still giving kisses and goodbyes on way out<BR> <BR>But...<BR>I am not to have hope<BR>I am not to read to much into his inactiveness<BR>I am not to feel betrayed<BR>I am not to feel that the last 20 years have not been a lie<P>I am just suppose to be.<BR>I just don't get it! Is this FOG? Is this withdrawl? Is this him looking for away out? What is this? HELP!!

Are you in Plan A right now? Does he have contact with OW?<P>Plan A's purpose is to give the WH time to stop contact with the OP and to put into place the MB things that will save our marriage. I do not think you can continue Plan A if he will not cooperate. Have you given Plan B much thougt? It may be time to move on to that and let the affair have to stand on it's own. As long as it continues as it is, you WH has the best of both worlds.<P>He is playing both of you for what he can get.<P>IMHO<BR>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Daybreak,<P>All those statements that your H said are "fog-talk." With fog-talk, it usually doesn't make any sense. Your H will contradict whatever he says. As difficult as it is, just remember that your H is a very confused person. He'll say one thing...and then, say something else, the next moment.<P>Plan A is for YOU. It is to transform yourself into a better person, whether your H eventually makes up his mind to stay with you or not.<P>At this time, I honestly do not believe that Plan B is for you. Plan B is for when you have done an effective Plan A...and you have had enough of your H's bad behavior. You go to Plan B before you lose all love for your H.<P>I advise that you stay in Plan A. Do an effective Plan A and avoid any Lovebusters. I believe that there is still hope for your marriage to survive this.

My H says same stuff. Loves OW. Doesn't want to be around me. Yet, we are still intimate. We have gone out several weekends in a row and had a good time. He has not only not moved out, but has been looking at new houses for 'us.' He still wears wedding ring. VERY confusing. Remember actions speak louder than words. Try not to focus on what he says, don't discount it, just don't focus on it. <P>Do you have Harleys' books? <I> Surviving an Affair </I> is a good start. <I> LoveBusters </I> is great, read it last night. <I> His Needs, Her Needs </I> also a must. Most of the stuff is written about briefly in the 'concepts' area of this website. Do all the reading you can! <P>Work on yourself. Most WS's need action to believe that you are going to change. They don't trust the words. <P>Learn all you can about plan A. Don't precipitate plan B until you are sure you have done a very good plan A for a good amount of time...something I had to learn the hard way...don't go to plan b until you are very, very sure and have had some good counsel about it.<P>Lastly, you will find that you are stronger than you think. You are looking for answers. You found this site.<BR>You are a survivor.<P>AKA 'InShockinCali'<P><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P><I> Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. </I><BR>1 Peter 5:6-7