In the past several days our families and a few friends have been informed of the affair and the fact that h has moved out again. We kept it to ourselves for seven months. But because of this move they had to know or the kids would tell them.<P>My h sister is devastated. Her husband had two affairs several years ago and it is like she is reliving it. She has stated that the kids and I are her family. H and ow will never set foot in her house. She is calling the ow a tramp that ow is poisoning my h mind. Well, she probably is. She wants me to change all of our accounts to my name only, cancel all our credit cards etc. She says the next thing the ow will do is move in with him. It's out of control. Friends are advising me the same thing.<P>When do they hit rock bottom and snap back into reality? See what they are doing to themselves, their family and friends? When they run out of money?<P>

Dear Hoping,<P>I don't know when. It's a magical answer that I can't answer. <P>It's really hard to stop protecting your husband, and also hard to deal with well meaning family and friends. <P>Do you think there is any truth to other people's worries for your finances? <P>I was talking to my girlfriend this summer about wills, as you know my husband was named on his aunt and uncle's will with only one other nephew, and there is a lot of jealousy to deal with. She told me that her mother was named on her Aunt's will (her mother's x sister in law). She told me that her father left her mom for OW, and sister in law felt such commoraderie for being left, that she named her x sister-in-law on the will, instead of naming her only brother or her parents. That is a true statement of how deep the betrayed feelings are, they can go beyond blood.<P>God Bless.

Hoping,<P>Unfortuately, this is a step along the path to rock bottom. Don't get caught up in the backlash against your husband---it's not good for you.<P>On the otherhand, it's perfectly OK for other people to "punish" your husband for his thoughtless behavior. Just don't be associated with that.

The word "unfortunately" in the previous reply affects me two ways. In a way I want him to hit rock bottom so he snaps out of this but on the other hand I love him and it hurts to watch him fall even after everything he's done.

Hoping, one of the things I have done, with my H's knowledge & consent, is put a couple thousand dollars into an account in just my name. It does take away the fear of being suddenly without money, even though my H has never taken more than "dating" money out of the account. But the money he has spent on her has added up.<P>Friends & family will tell you a lot of things. I'm hearing the chorus of "DUMP HIM HOW MUCH ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE" pretty frequently. I have said, "I love my husband. I still want my marriage to work. You don't have to love/respect him, but I would like your support."<P>His actions have consequences, one of which is some people will be disgusted with him and avoid him. The same people may avoid you, so you have to be centered and concentrate on the fact that you are doing what you believe is right. Very few people will confront him that what he is doing is wrong, but be assured, many are thinking it. Between one of my confidants gossiping and my H & OW's co-workers figuring it out or seeing them together too much, a lot of people know about my situation and have known for months. At first I felt abandoned by some of his/our friends, but they simply didn't know what to say to me...or my H. Some people want to be around for both of you if you work it out, but they can't cope now. <P>I've really learned to give people the benefit of my doubt. Try not to give out too many details or speak derogatorily about your H. It will come back to haunt you.