I just went through a lonely 4th wedding anniversary last week without WH. We moved interstate with an opportunity for ministry here. It was all going great. We were both in parttime ministry and jobs, being good and sucessful in what we did. I thought our marriage was good. I didn't realise all the doubts he was hiding from me. Sex wasn't great - I get candida heaps, so it hurts at times. But I noticed we began drifting apart Easter 2000. I talked to the pastor about it and he gave me a few tips - pointed out things I could change. I tried. But I had no idea it was perhaps too late, WH was already falling for her - his wife of all people.<BR>Things just deteriorated. I tried to get help. He didn't think we needed it. I blamed my husbands unusual behaviour on the Pastor - his mentor - as I thought it was his influence. I had no idea how wrong yet how close I was.<BR>The A was found out and brought before the whole church. I was devastated and took off to see family interstate immediately. I came back wanting to fight Satan for my marriage and thought it was going ok. But reading what you guys say, I didn't have much of a chance. THen I found out I was pregnant and didn't know how to feel. I was scared because the thought of leaving him was still there. I didn't want to do this alone. Gradually I felt so much tension I suggested WH have some space from me - I annoyed him too much and he was so depressing to be around. I was getting so stressed I was worrying about the baby and how I was coping. I thought he might never come back. He hasn't yet. Maybe he won't ever. I ride the rollercoaster you all talk about everyday. Hope, then hopelessness. Back and forth. He says he doesn't love me but cares about me. He says he misses her, which I now accept as real for him. He doesn't know how it will ever work between us. He says he doesn't want her. But he doesn't really want me either. I ask if he wants me to give up on him and he doesn't know. He's coming to ante-natal classes starting next week with me. I'm heading off back home interstate so family (his and mine) can look after me during the birth. He's going too but not with me. I guess thats my story so far. But I know that God has allowed this child to be a blessing in my life, despite that He knew all this would happen. Often I've thought of sneaking into Heaven sooner than God wants, but this little bundle keeps me going - I know it has stopped WH from destroying himself too. Does anyone relate to this? How are you coping?<P>Dancer

Dancer,<P>First of all let me say I feel terrible for your situation. It must be extremely difficult. I'm not a theology expert by any means...<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Often I've thought of sneaking into Heaven sooner than God wants.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>But what makes you think He would let you in after committing such an act. You have an unborn baby to look out for...please get some professional help from an MD. From a physiological standpoint, your baby feels your stress too. <P>There are many options for you but first and foremost you have a responsibility to your unborn child. <P>Best of luck. <p>[This message has been edited by dumbdumb (edited June 11, 2001).]

Dear Dancer,<P>Oh I am so sorry to hear of your situation. A baby is a precious gift and your H needs to see this. Being selfish and confused is what the A does to those in the fog. Nothing hurts more than to see a parent/mate show such disregard for their own. <P>You though, stick here with us, we can help you so that you will be in a stronger stand to help your H when he is ready to accept it. It may be soon, he sounds like he is ready to hit bottom. My H went there and is still having a hard time recovering. H said many of the same things you said. Try reading the post from a newbie called H. He is the WS and currently working on recovery with his w. Wow, if we could all have our H's learn a lesson from this guy, recovery might be quicker. Some Ws's though carry a lot of guilt and some don't even feel the remorse they know they should. That taste of the wicked world was sweet and they have not tasted the bitter results yet. When they do it may be too late. <P>In the meantime, you need to take care of yourself. That little one depends on you. Vent here as often as you need. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Dear Dumbdumb<P>I probably didn't make myself clear - I would never dream of suicide now that I have this responsiblity ahead of me - but when I'm low it does come into my head. This is when I need to get on the phone or visit someone immediately. I did do a suicide intevention course a few months ago which helped me heaps. I do worry that my negative thoughts are being felt by my baby. I pray over it heaps. My natropath even makes up special natural medicines to help me. But thanks for caring - I do need help, I hope I never deny it.<P>Dancer

Dancer,<P>Some of us in Plan A have read the book "Power of a Praying Wife" Stormie O'Martian. We have a Bible study on the forum about the book.<P>Lots of hugs to you - you will be surprised at how relatively quick your life can look differently. Keep the faith - you are loved greatly - and have a purpose for your life. God hates divorce, and can change hearts. <P>Start Plan A, and eliminate all lovebusters - including disrespectful judgements towards your husband and what he may perceive as selfish demands. <P>If you catch your husband doing something - anything - that is directed at being kind to you, make sure you let him know that you noticed and appreciate it. Husbands need to know that they are pleasing their wife. <P>God Bless<BR>TnT

Hi Dancer- I just wanted to know we care about you here. Keep posting alot. I hope to hear more about you and your baby as time goes on. I too love the book Power of a Praying Wife- I swear this book worked on H's mind and heart- my H actually went so far as to file D on me and then cancelled it. Its been quite the long road to get to the recovery stage but we are getting there. Time is on our side as the statistics show. Have you tried refrigerated acidolphus capsules for the candida problem? That helped me alot. Take care- lifeismessyPS My pastor told me to think of H as temporarily insane- that helped me alot

Thanks for the feedback. I will read that book - yes, I did try acidophallis - got herbal remedies and the like too, but my will power wasn't strong enough at the time to stop eating the wrong foods. A bit like now. I really wish I didn't get so depressed and eat chocolate etc. It does the trick - but I need to be careful. At times my emotions overule my brain. Sounds familiar.<P>Dancer

Its 2.30am - I'm trying desperately to find matching, cheap, reasonable timed flights back home. My mother is going to come here then travel back with me so I can cope a bit better. What a blessing she is. <P>But I did get concerned tonight about the whole moving thing. H asked why I was leaving if I will miss here so much. I replied to get away from OW and to get support from family (gee this little bundle is wriggling like crazy at the moment - I love it, its so weird yet gorgeous) during the birth. He mentioned OW and her family might end up back home too - we all come from the same state, and relatively close. He said will I move from there too if it happened. Well, I can't answer that, but its got me thinking a bit. I accept he could be hoping she does end up back there (he's going too). But going home was my escape from her, with or without my H. I'm a bit scared now. OW's H assures me they'll never end up there if he can help it - affects him just as much of course. So, I feel threatened yet again. <P>I better try to sleep again - H woke me after midnite trying to find flights for me on the net. But this little one needs Mummy to get her rest - so, goodnite (morning).<P>Dancer