I am a newbie to this site, but not new to the topics. My marriage/life is in shambles. I had an affair and we had an open marriage for awhile. He saw others then. About last December we started to try to work on our marriage and I thought things were slowly progressing. He was still refusing counseling with me, but things appeared to be getting somewhat better. Obviously it wasn't as I found out about him having an affair. We cried, fought, and he begged forgiveness. We continued our marriage for a few weeks and it came out again that he didn't end it. Stupid me... eventually said ok when he begged forgiveness again. Last Saturday night it came out again. He hasn't stopped seeing her. I was crushed. Basically our marriage was over or so I thought. We, again, fought all weekend. He begged out again. This time making an appointment with my counselor. He, of course, swears it's over. He called her and told her it was done. (of course with me downstairs and not listening...) I feel insanely stupid for keeping this relationship in hopes that we can make it a valuable one. He assures me this is where he wants to be. I know I have fault here too. This is where my question comes. How do I EVER trust him again? I have to go out of town on Thursday and I don't trust him to keep his word to me. It makes me ill to think I can't even trust him for a day. I'm embarrassed to be here, typing this, but I feel totally lost and scared. Any suggestions?

Hi, Peg,<P>You're at the right place! First of all, are you familiar with Harley's book, "Surviving an Affair?" This book is a lifesaver! It was written especially for people whose spouses are still in affairs (a lot of the books you find are for those in recovery). Sadly to say, your H not ending it is VERY common. I know that it seems very shocking to you that he wouldn't end it after the first discover. I had to "discover" my H's EMR two times after the initial discovery day (D-Day), and once I had to "boot him out" (Harley's Plan B).<P>I encourage you to read this website to become familiar with some of the language you will see spoken here, e.g., "LB" (Love Buster), Love Bank, Plan A, Plan B, etc. It's a very good start. All I can say is that I wish I had discovered this site sooner than I did. I made a lot of mistakes! It wasn't until I began implementing the Harley method that I saw results.<P>Please stick around and get acquainted with us - and keep your chin up! Your H being willing to go to counseling is a good sign!<P>((hugs))<P>belldandy