I came home early to find my H scrambling to hide what he was doing. He was watching porn on his lap top-then had the nerve to lie about it. We had an understanding that on the road to recovery we were to talk about everything, not lie, etc...The one thing I expressed was that I wasn't comfortable with him watching porn without me-so he said he woudln't do it again. BAM!!! He did it 2x now and got caught. Then he turns the tables on me. He says I'm not arguing this when you know I'll win. What the heck is that supposed to mean. I said yeah if the tables were turned and I was doing it and then hiding it and you found it you would be mad too(he said he wouldn't-YEAH RIGHT!!!) I said something like you must be needing something-or you wouldn;t be doing it. He said that was the mindset he was going with. Very smug. I have bent over backwards to do for him and more since his return(doormat again) and things have been great because he is doing more-so WHAT GIVES!!!!! I know this is may seem trivial and I should let it go because he could be doing worse(which is what I'll hear)but I can't seem to let it go, and I don't want to get into a knock out drag out fight over this. We are supposed to go to Jamaica for a second honeymoon in 3 weeks. IF he is willing to lie about this-even though he knows he was busted-what else is he going to lie about?? Anyone have any ideas?? Oh yeah-his belt buckle was undone-which it never is-that threw me for a loop-LOL!!!

I think you hit it on the head when you said that the dishonesty is the big issue here. Maybe you and he need to talk to someone who can drive home the "total honesty" rule to your husband. Maybe an appointment with someone at MB's?<P>If he like pornography and you don’t mind viewing it with him, what’s the big secret and why does he have to sneak? Maybe he likes he mother/child game of getting caught? Would you feel the same if he were doing the same thing without the pornography?<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Well after a night of lousy sleep and bad dreams I was less than loving this morning. I didn't come to the door right away(I ws on my way tbough)so he yelled "yeah goodbye to you too" slammed the door and spun his wheels outa the driveway. Half of me wants to kill him the other half wants to apologize. Which I suppose I'll end up being the doormat once again and apologize. I just feel that when I do over something I feel strongly over(like the snaking of porn)and I apologize I think he thinks-hehe I've got her right where I want her-she's wrapped around my little finger-I can do anything I want and I'll play head games with her until she breaks down and apologizes. I would have to call him at work to apologize-should I??? IT's the old devil/angel routine. Maybe I need to go back to therapy or something. I just can't get past the sneaking of the porn thing. I think I am making more out of this than I should-or am I?? Oh yeah-he'll never go to counseling.

You might want to go over to the "Emotional Needs" forum. There has been quite a bit of discussion about the porn issue over there. You might get some insight.

Fullnest,<BR>You are certainly not alone when it makes you uncomfortable that your H enjoys using porn. Many women feel that they themselves must be not attractive or sexy enough to hold their man's sexual interest if he likes looking at 19-year-old, bleached blonde implant recipients. I remember how terribly insecure I was when my H and I were dating and I discovered he had a subscription to Playboy...I went crazy!!!<P>But somehow, over the years as I got older and talked to many of my friends, I discovered that this interest is VERY common. And that men in general (not just "perverted" ones) are much more visually stimulated than we women are. <P>We are turned on by completely different things: a glass of wine, stimulating and intellectual conversation, romantic gestures...these are the things that make us sexually attracted to men. But alas, men are wired so differently. And I've heard many of them try to explain the phenomena..."honey, those pictures aren't REPLACING you...no, I don't think of the girl in the picture when we're making love...it's just a PICTURE, for crying out loud!"<P>I know there will be some who don't agree with me...but I've heard this complaint from so many other women, whose husbands are all ages and all walks of life, that I am convinced it's a universal issue. And as long as you don't find evidence that his interest in porn is excessive (has it hidden all over the house, spends hours at XXX-rated websites, etc.) and as long as you have a healthy and satisfying sex life with your H...I wouldn't worry about it too much.<P>Many men become very defensive and angry when asked not to use or look at porn. They tend to think you are too controlling and want to manipulate every aspect of their sexuality, which is a very personal thing. On top of all that, appearing too insecure or closed-minded makes you very unappealing to your spouse.<P>I can remember more or less forcing myself to become comfortable with the Playboy magazines. I acted secure about it long before I felt that way...which put me on the right track. Eventually it didn't bother me at all, and I could even pick up a copy, open it up to the centerfold and say to my H..."Hey, do you think those are REAL??!" And sometimes I'd even read some of those "really great articles." And you know what..? They were.<P><BR>Calla