Hi. I haven't had the time much to get online,but I have missed it. I'm in school for Nursing now. Every since I've been in school my husband has found ways to detour me from my school work. He gets upset and verbally abuses me along with trying to destroy my train of thought. I'm trying as best as I can to look beyond it and try to focus on my work, but its so hard when you have someone like this hoping and trying to make you fall down. I keep a headache and I'm always confused because of it. Do you think e's just hating on me or maybe he's afraid I will get ahead of him and leave? Or both?<BR>What would you do? I already plan to leave anyway, but how can I stay focused on my schooling? You have no idea how he interrupts me. He makes the five kids call me every 5mins., he calls me for dinner when its already made, he calls me just for the hell of it. Someone please share their advice with me and soon!

I've seen this before were a spouse will sabatage the other's attempts to get ahead. When they do this it is because they feel insecure. From what you have said here I can see why he feels insecure. <P>If you want his cooperation you will need to find a way to make him feel that your education is not a threat to him. One way is your pointing out that a good second income will help him.<P>You may want to read all of the information on this web site and get the books His Needs, Her Needs and Lovebusters. If either of you has had an affair, I would also suggest that you read the book Surviving an Affair. All of these books are by Dr. Harley. If you and your husband can follow the roadmap in those books things should get much better for the both of you.<P><BR>Have you told him that you plan to leave? If he does this must make things really rocky. You may want to contact a place that provides counseling to abused women. It sounds like you might need some help in handling the abuse you talk about.<P>Good Luck<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FUBU8:<BR><B>I already plan to leave anyway, but how can I stay focused on my schooling?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OK, I'm at a loss, why are you planning to leave? I hope I am misunderstanding this statement, but it sounds as if your husband's fears are correct, that once you finish school you are leaving him, which in effect means that you are currently using him in order to get what you want. Am I reading this statement correctly? <P>

A small summary of what's going on here.Yes my H has cheated on me while I was 5wks pregnant and produced another child because he claims that WE DIDN"T HAVE SEX ENOUGH. Whatever! He has lied and done numerous things to me and the kids. I have been abused in every type of way possible by him. He tends to put his needs and wants before us all the time. Also he spends nothing on us. Its always about him, his mom (she hates me), his family , along with the other outsiders that he give money to instead of us. I'm just basicly tired of it all and wish to be away from him. No I never used him and never will. I am the one who's been suffering. He has beat me so bad to the point to where I lost a set of twins, and during my last pregnancy I have suffered from so much stress that our daughter is scared and jumpy all the time and she's only five months old.<BR>You have no idea what I've been through.I have five children that consist of two diabetics and one asthmatic and one of the diabetics has ADHD due to abuse I suffered from at the hands of my mother because he was born at 28wks.<BR>Noone helps me with my kids. I live my life on a set schedule. I also work full time and attend school part time for nursing. Need I say more? I can if that's not enough.

No FUBU8 you don't have to say anything more, I get the picture, it's just that this information was not in your original post, so forgive me if I came across as harsh. I am wondering a few things however, is your husband willing to get into counseling? How much longer before you finish school? If you have a very long time to go before finishing school, and your husband is unwilling to go to counseling, why wait until you finish school before leaving? Why not leave now? <P>Having worked in both the social work and law enforcement fields, I know the barriers that exist for abused women who want to get out of abusive relationships, but I ask about w leaving now because won't those same barriers exist after you finish school?

I am trying to leave now. I'm just waiting to hear about a few places that I can rent for a little while. Yes we've attended one counseling session with my pastor and no more because he no longer wanted to attend due to embarrassment and guilt from things he has done. Also I later changed my mind on trying again with counseling because I was given bad advice. The advice was to continue my wifely duties and not to hold out from sex from my husband and he will eventually come around. Kill him with kindness so to speak. That's not kindness. That's foolishness! So if he goes out again and messes around and catches something I'm suppose to lay with him and catch it also. Hell no!<BR>Believe me when I say, I've had my share of heartches and pain. Because of things he has done, I can't stand to be touched by him or ever think I could ever love him again even if he did change. Sorry for the misunderstanding, but I have to do my homework. I have 2yrs to go for school. I already have a degree as a ultrasound tech, but the school that I attended was a bad school so noone will honor it unless I redo the program with someone else. Goodnight and Godbless.<P>