Thanks for your post. Very interesting, thanks for thinking of me at your counciling session!<P>You're not going to believe this. My H calls me back (after my very nice voicemail to him) and says "Listen, I'm not saying I ever thought you were keeping me from seeing the kids. This notion of supervised visits is stupid. I am not a danger to the kids..."<P>Bingo. He just ruined his whole case. You're telling me you KNOW I'm not keeping you from the kids and yet you are still not trying to see them?? Hello, what is up with that? <P>I can't believe he called me at work specifically after I asked him not to and explained to him how upset I was about everything and I just needed to be in no-contact. How rude. And he wasn't even nice about it, just said "if that's the way you want it, you can talk to my lawyer." I am glad I did not answer the phone and only had to listen to the voicemail!!<P>I wonder how often he has to call to claim harassment...

hurtbyhubby,<P>You are welcome... just hope I make sense here at least once in a while.<P>Is there any way you can record these phone messages? The transcript of these would be great should you ever need proof of harrasment. If you can only record some and then keep a dated, written record of the others. That will do as proof too. What I found is that the courts will accept written jounals as long as they are dated and written ink (not pencil). Do it like a true engineering notebook - no empty pages or large empty spaces. That way the court can see that you have not added anything after the fact.<P>When is it harrassment? As soon as he ignores your wish to not be contacted. So at this point he is harrassing you. His entering your home after you gave him the Plan B letter may be enough to get a restraining order if who feel you need one. <P>There is some detail about not being able to kick a spouse out of the marital home. I know that I wanted to do that but my attornies in both NM and TX told me that I could not do it. I had to wait for him to leave volunatarily. I also could no leave and take our son with me. I'd have to leave our son in the family home. <P>In your case however, your H is already living somewhere else so I think you have grounds to stand on that the house you are in is no longer his home. Another detail to check with your attorney.<P>YOu may also want to call a battered woman's organization, they can be of great help on getting some basic advice. Your H is being abusive even if he never laid a hand on you.<P>And side.. wait while I climb onto my soapbox... there.. <P>By the way, for those of you who might think I'm trying to turn this into a woman's issue ... it is not. When a male friend of mine had problems with a physically and emotionally abusive wife, he was also able to get the same type of help from the woman's abuse hotline and legal assitance lines. Abuse is abuse and more men need to not be so shy about seeking this help when they need it. (I had to hold my friends hand through the entire thing 'cause he was so freaked out - "I am a guy and I'm supposed to be able to handle this stuff. Love him."<P>OK, now to get off my soap box.<P>A one hour meeting with the attorney might be very helpful to find out your rights here. They differ in every state.<P>Whatever you do, stand by your Plan B letter. You do have the right to your privacy and to protect yourself from his harrassments. Find out what those rights are in your state. <P>Now for the hard part. How do you set your boundries, us lawyers and other resources without causing irreparable damage to you marriage.. I get the impression that you would still like to save it. This will be a tight rope walk. Hopefully between the people here and your counselor we can help you walk that tight rope.(Walk softly and carry a big stick????? Worked for a foreign policy.. does it work here?)<P>Best wishes<BR>A<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare<p>[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited June 14, 2001).]

Thanks for the advice. <P>How on earth did my plan B letter turn into harassment??<P>I don't know what's going on with my life these days. My H is acting so weird... I have the messages saved for now on my answering machine. I'm sure I can find a way to record them.<P>My H is not being very smart. I always thought of him as pretty intelligent, but he is doing some really stupid things that are really going to hurt him in the end.<P>Oh well. I'll make sure the kids and I are okay. I still pray he'll get better, but it is looking worse and worse...<P>I seriously wonder sometimes if he is having a nervous breakdown and will come after me. He is acting SO weird and vengeful. I have to wonder if he'll just go over the edge someday. It seems so unreal like it could never happen, but I have to wonder sometimes what is going on in his head. <P>That idea about the journal of events is great - I will start recording tonight.<P>Why do you say I am being abused? Is it because of the harassment, or is it because everything he's doing is a sign of emotional abuse? Or something else? When I think of abuse I think of hitting and swaring real loud and calling people names. I think what he's doing is horrible but I never really thought of it as abuse until you just said it...

Your Plan B letter is not harrassment. He is viewing it as such because it suits his purpose.<P>As for recording telephone message. Radio Shack sells a divice tht you can put between the wall phone jack and the telephone. I hooks into a tape recorder. I will record very phone message if you are using a conventional answering machine. It will also recored every phone conversation.<P>Harassment is abusive. <P>Why do I think you are being abused? Because of his actions and the things he is saying. He is being very abusive. His visit to your home (the now famous one) was very abusive, a very loud and clear threat. Emotional and verbal abuse does not have to be loud and swaring. It is a constant berating of a person. It can be done in a whisper, normal tone or a shout. It done in the words and the intent of the word. My XH is a master of this, the calm calculated attack puntuated with the occassion crazy tyraid where he'd throw and break things. The message there is next time it will be you. Next time I will break/hit you. Do some research on the internet about abuse. Again one of the abuse hot lines will be able to give you a much clearer definition. Then you can decide what is going on.<P>IMHO<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare