Dear Friends of Good Counsel,<BR>I will share an excerpt of my H's latest email to me, sent just an hour ago:<P>"Here's what I have been thinking. I keep reading and hearing you say how you are going to change things about yourself. I think you will begin to resent this eventually. No matter which way I look at our situation it seems bleak to me. I know you are trying very hard but I just think you<BR>should take a break for now. Focus on some other things and forget about'us' at least for now. I know it's not your nature, but you will only get frustrated if you keep trying and getting no results."<P>*********************<BR>I have to admit I had a good cry over this one. What else can I "focus on" at this point?! It seems like my H is trying to tell me he has NO hope. He obviously isn't interested in trying to make anything better, and furthermore is uncomfortable with all my efforts to improve things on my own. What's left for me to do?<P>I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep for six months, and hope that this is over when I wake up. I feel so much despair. I don't even know what to do with his request, how to even fulfill it...just keep sleeping seperately and twiddle my thumbs, hoping he'll get struck by lightning???<P>calla

Much as I hate to agree he has a point.<BR>You need to change for yourself and not for him, that is what plan a really is. Its being the best you can be, for you. You can tell him you are working on changing for you, and for your future if it is with him or with someone else. It is so this never happens to you again, because you know how to support a loving intimate relationship that satifiys both your needs.<P>You do need to back off of working on the marrige. He is not willing to join you at this point, all you can change is yourself. Dont push him. You need to go on your way and make those changes for you and let him see the results... dont keep telling him you are going to change... just do it.<P>Dont twiddle your thumbs, get out there and start working on you, you will be surprized the results you get.<BR>Lora<p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited June 14, 2001).]