I'm still working hard to bond with my H... he's still depressed all the time, and it's sooo hard to get past that. No matter what is going on, he's down. It has been seven months, and he seems more depressed than in the first few months. I still can't talk to him. He has always complained that I "have no passion for anything".. I was talking to someone at work yesterday.. she said "I wish I had a passion for something" in one of our conversations.. she went on about how consuming her family and job were, and she didn't have time to even think about anything else. Wow, could I relate to that! I told my H about our conversation, and he became angry and said "that excuse is a cop-out." As usual, I felt shot down, and at the same time, I try to keep a good attitude. I don't know how to feel.. depressed along with him because I hurt him.. angry because he won't take the time to really see how badly I was hurting, or think of everyday as a new day and try to go on as happy as I can. I feel just as much stress, if not more, than I did before the A... It's really taking a toll on me emotionally and physically.

One of the nicest most healing things my H ever did for me was one time when we were making love he stopped and just looked so sincerely into my eyes and then he touched my face and said how sorry he was for hurting me so much, and just held me tight for a really long time. I cried, I could feel his true pain and love and remorse, I could feel he wanted to cry (he's not realy able to though). It was a very healing experience and one I think of often.<P>The stuff that counts most is the stuff that comes from the heart. I'm sorry, I know this is hard for you, but realize that your focusing on whether or not he is contolling you and stressing about it is probably not helping you feel real sincere.<P>Sometimes, most times, reality for us is 95% what we let ourselves focus on. If you are feeling stressed try checking where you are looking.<P>Maybe the two jourals idea would be god for you. One for all the emotional turmoil to give it a realty check and outlet- and a good one to remind you of every little positive in your life that you can look back on during the tougher times. This idea was posted by Paintbox back a week ago or so.<P>