Thanks everyone for your other post. Guess plan B doesn't work too well when your H is hell-bent on breaking no-contact and won't discuss things with a third party.<P>My lawyer said I have every right to not want to talk with him and he is harassing me. He said I am doing nothing illegal right now because there is no court order for anything.<P>Plus I do have the message on my answering machine in which my H explicitly states "I realize you are not keeping me from seeing the kids."<P>I think I am going to have to move over to the divorce board soon. Get this, my H called my MIL today and said on Monday he is going to file for divorce and try to get custody of the kids based on past child abuse!!!!<P>Can you believe that? It has to just be a threat. I did NOT abuse my kids. Besides he has a 1-bedroom place that he can barely afford. Where would he put them? The nerve of him! I mean this goes too far. I am sorry. He has been rude, callouts, abandoned us, etc., etc. and now he is going to accuse me in court of child abuse? And how the heck is he going to pay for a divorce? <P>And he hasn't seen the kids in 2 weeks, and I'M abusing them?? Me who's getting them in all sorts of counseling, trying to make their lives better after daddy moved out to be with his new girlfriend. Me the one who earns all the $$ and pays all the bills, especially the ones for the kids. Me, the one that got the kids in full-time daycare after my H picked up the 2-year old and screamed at her, terrifying me.<P>He's the one that abandoned us, used me to get what he wanted and threw me away like trash, he's the one that admits to having an anger problem and is supposed to get help to be a better parent, he's the one with the mental disorder who refuses to go get tested and go on medication, he's the full-time student with 2 jobs that has NO time to even have kids now. <P>I am sorry. This man is insane. My lawyer said not to worry he is just blowing smoke. I don't understand why a man would want to hurt me this bad when I did nothing to deserve it.<P>My MIL says he is trying to make me look like the bad guy so he doesn't. I think she is right. Nothing else makes sense.<P>My love points are gone. I am just mad now. How dare he?

Mad is good. You've been bottling this stuff up for too long. Glad you got to your attorney today.<P>He is blowing smoke, trying to get you to play his game. Don't worry about the abuse garbage. From the sounds of it he has nothing to base it on. And if you are already taking the children to counseling then you are taking care of your children's needs.<P>Just avoid him and his rantings. I wonder if my XH wrote his script? lol<P>Actually your Plan B is working very well. He's trying to engage you in anyway he can. You have yet to talk to him directly so it's working. It is just going to take him some time to realize that you are not a doormat. Guess that's a big surprise to him. I don't know why but some people get the feeling that if someone is good to them then that person is a door mat. My take on it is that their selfesteem is so low that they can not imagine anyone being good to them just because they love them. So instead, they see the person as a door mat and keep taking and taking. And in the end they prove their own theory, they are indeed quite unlovable and why would anyone want to be good to them. Don't know if that made sense to you. Does to me. To this day my XH's head is spinning trying to figure out why I don't act like the doormat he thought I was.<P>Hang in there.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare<p>[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited June 15, 2001).]

Stick to your guns. Your MIL is right...he wants to come up with anything he can to paint you as the bad one, but inside, he knows it is him that is the bad one. They all do this. He must have so much guilt. These are the behaviors we see when they are full of guilt.<P>Your Plan B is probably working, because he is freaking out that you have taken control.<P>Hang in there, blow off the steam here with us, and keep taking care of your precious children....boy do they need you.

Hi HBH:<P>Let me assure you...this is just blowing smoke...lots of husband's do it...claim they are going to try and get the kids...never happens...just talk. And child abuse charges are the current "I'm gonna get you with this?" threat. This stuff never comes up at the final hearing...it's usually cut and dry...and over with without much fuss.<P>I agree he's just trying to control you...so he's using the threat that he thinks will cut the closest to home with you...your children. Just ignore him...his lawyer will set him straight.<P>Try not to let him get to you...you're on firm ground...he's the one who needs to be worrying...and I think the firmer you stand the more he will respect you in the end. This is just your first test...don't fail and certainly don't let him win by default.<P>Faye