OMG! She hasn't called in 2 days. No new messages. He hasn't called her. (check the redial.) No unaccounted for time.<P>He still says he doesn't want to be married. Very morose. Very thoughtful. I think he's starting withdrawal. Doesn't seem to want me to hug or kiss him. (he didn't mind before.) No early a.m. snuggles either. He started to but then it seemed like he 'remembered' something and stopped. He bought a couple of blank journals and is writing.<P>He's talking about getting a new tattoo...a Chinese character that was important to him in our early relationship "Crisis as Opportunity." I reminded him of it when this whole rollercoaster first started. I told him I would like to get it too...maybe on my shoulder. AND I AM NOT A TATTOO PERSON . <P>[H] if you read this...Knewjie....anyone. Help me understand what to do in this stage. I feel like it is such a turning point; I don't want to 'blow' it.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P><I> Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. </I><BR>1 Peter 5:6-7

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>OMG! She hasn't called in 2 days. No new messages. He hasn't called her. (check the redial.) No unaccounted for time.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is definately good. More time they spend apart. The better off he is, and you are. Withdrawl will set in. One of the things i've noticed. Is people have stated in the withdrawl stage. That WH or WW really didn't want contact with (BS). Not physical contact atleast, not at first.<P>In my situation. In withdrawl stages. I didn't want contact with my wife either. While she wasn't here in California. This was good for me. As I was feeling guilty about all I had done, feeling nasty about myself in general. Disgusted with myself. No way I would touch her while I was feeling so gross. However I too ("Seemingly Forgot") at points. Stopped being down on myself. More or less felt better about us. I flip flopped a lot. Stopped being down on myself at points. With her reassurance as well. ("Things will be okay with us")<P>Keep talking, keep showing support, giving support.

Cali - these are good signs, but like me and my WH, it's very early days yet. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you - I can't really give advice, 'cos I'm very new to this part of things myself!<P>Good luck though,<BR>Paint.

Update.<P>Still 'no new messages.' We've had a pretty good couple of days.<P>I did a nice Father's Day. I made French toast using cinnamon bread and cranberry orange bread...he was very appreciative. (One need I can fulfill I know OW can't...I can cook and bake my a** off...she can't boil water .)<P>I also bought him exactly what he asked for (thanks for all your opinions on that.) I had kids give him a card and I have a card that I will give him later with a special message. Message basically says...I love you unconditionally...I'm sorry that I helped to create an environment where you felt I didn't love you, admire you....<BR>I also talk about how great a father he is....<P>We went to church and then took his dad and mom to brunch. They watched kids and we went to get tattoos. (I know for a fact that I have definately LOST my mind...) We got Chinese characters from a greeting card I gave him very early in our relationship that mean "Crisis as Opportunity." <P>I'm very apprehensive about counseling session on Tuesday. I know therapist plans to talk about his preparing to leave. I'd rather ignore the whole thing...okay...okay...one day at a time. <P>Meanwhile I am the epitome of support and understanding ...even though he is as cross as a bear.<P>

Hey Cali- sounds great! My H has just finished going thru withdrawal about a month ago. He was very depressed and confused during it and still brought up the D word every wk or two saying he thought we should divorce. I would tell him the reasons why I think its wrong and bad for the kids, then reassure him that I CAN forgive him and we can work thru this. Then I'd go read the prayers in the book Power of a Praying Wife and pray for his clarity of mind and freedom from evil thoughts and plans. He would sleep on the couch alot of the time. Then when he woke up I'd try to get him to talk about future plans we are making- ie,- summer trip, lawn improvement, swimming etc. I never brought up divorce myself unless he insisted we talk about it. Also when he did- I would tell him I plan to go for full custody and move to another state near relatives and start my whole life over. I told him why should I stay here when we moved here a year ago for his job promotion and his work was where his A started? He was shocked I would move away- but I checked with my divorce lawyer ( I have one because I had to get one when he filed on me in mid april and then cancelled it)and he said I can move after the legal process. So this made H wake up and smell the coffee so to speak. He finally made a complete break from OW and began showing me affection for the first time in months! It was great- he hadnt kissed me in 5 months can you imagine? I am now 5 mo past d-day and we are finally on track. His withdrawal period took about 6 wks. I tried not to irritate him- just went and did my own thing- shopping, starbucks, Bible studies, kid things etc. ignored his confusion as much as possible. Take care- lifeismessy