Today I drove past the OW house. I hadn't planned on it but I ended up in that creepy area of town and didn't resist the urge to drive by. My H's truck was parked out in front. It hurts real bad to see this. I've driven by a few times before and H's truck is always there. I always start crying and get angry. First I thought I'd just walk right up to the door and meet this OW.Then I thought I'd spy on them so I can see what she looks like. Then I thought I'd better just leave and phone him and tell him I'm in his neighborhood. I had to stop and ask myself-what would my friends at MB's tell me to do?<BR>I went home and continued to plan my father's day BBQ for him tomorrow.I could only tell myself-what if they're having a fight? I don't want to interupt that! So I made no contact at all with him.<P>Do any of you ever spy on your WS? I don't know why I bother,it's not like it's a surprise or anything-he does live with her!

You did what your friends at MB would have told you to do. Good job. I can imagine it is tempting.<P>The only time I ever did any in-person spying was once when she had to rush away to supposedly get to work, after we had returned from a wedding. This was when we still lived together. I knew she was really going to OMs, so I drove in that direction, not even on his street. And low and behold, they drove by. She ducked when she saw me, and later said she ducked because she knew I'd be embarressed for being caught driving near his place. But they are just friends, of course!<P>Keep planning the BBQ and leave the relationship to destroy itself.<P>

Oh my.......I've done this toooooo many times and found that nine out of ten times........he'd be there. I felt devastated yet relieved that I wasn't out of my mind. Unlike your situation, my husband swore that he was friends with "our tenant." Yes, this twice divorced woman was renting from me and my H. She was the mother of four children, three which could be accounted for. The life and demise of the fourth child is still uncertain. <P>I felt uneasy about their friendship and found too many clues that led to the path of "being more than a friendship." I KNEW he was being dishonest; yet, I faithfully held onto that fine thread of truth that was spewed from my H's mouth when he denied the same and stated a "somewhat" reasonable excuse for being in the area. God, I fed upon his responses like a person denied nourishment for a long period of time. I WANTED to believe his words like gospel.<P>Five years later he finally came clean and told me as much of the truth as possible. I can well imagine what he isnt' telling me. I'm sickened by the fact that I allowed him to live with me and our children under the influence of another woman and his indecent conduct while continuing to live "in the family way." His indiscretions affected our lives to the point of destruction and he is finally remorseful. He is also incarcerated due to his misconduct and the OW is on probation for her involvement in this illegal ordeal. What a freakin' mess!!!!!! <P>Who the hell am I to advise others when my personal life is in such disarray??????<P>I'm sorry for you, me and everyone who is feeling the emotional turmoil of being loved less than what is expected!<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B><p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited June 16, 2001).]

Oh yes - in the first stages when I was hurt and angry. I did internet searches, found out her husbands e-mail addy, address, telephone number, where she worked - I even got a copy of her signature. I went through receipts to find out where they had been for dinner etc. too. At one point I sat outside her house - and took 'photo's of the house and her car - then my WH told me that they had moved to a new house some months previously!! <P>I don't know where they live now - I'll find out when their new address becomes available in the telephone directory, as they have a very unusual surname, so it's quite easy!<P>It's been very tempting to e-mail her husband and put a link in to the MB website - but I don't think I could deal with them on the same boards as I am!<P>Paint.

Hi Maezy:<P>I think this is something that we all do at first during the "crazy" period of just after D Day. I did, took his clothes, dumped them on the front porch, beat on the front door, no one answered so I just left. Found out later she was there, but was afraid to answer the door. <P>I realized later that that kind of thing is just not me...it was so out of character...and I felt so bad afterwards that I had let myself stoop so low...and I have never done anything like that since. I realized in the end she's not worth degrading myself for...let her be the scum that she is...I won't stoop to her level. Never again.<P>Faye

<<<I did, took his clothes, dumped them on the front porch, beat on the front door, no one answered so I just left. Found out later she was there, but was afraid to answer the door. >>><P>OMG......I've done this, too! Not only have I dumped his clothes at the OW's residence, I've also burned his clothes. Yep.....I took the extra step and burned his damn clothes when he didn't come home at the promised time. He knew beforehand what I intended to do if he didn't meet his own deadline. The damn fire left a permanent mark on our concrete patio.....a constant reminder (to me, at least) of his inconsideration and mental abuse. After all these years, I've yet to feel comfortable with his daliances. It's no wonder that this wound continues to fester and seep.<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Of course, the things I have THOUGHT of doing to her home are far worse. When I first found out I had fantasies of throwing rocks through her big front window, or walking by her car and "oops!" scratching it all the way down the side! or I also thought of spray painting across the back of her car "WH**E"(on a Sunday night so she would have to drive it like that to work the next day!)<P>I also thought of faxing her work with a big lettered note to all the employees telling them that C**** likes to sleep with MMen.<BR>I a;so thought of sending her a supply of Monistat or a big box of Viagra and tell her it's my H's supply!<P>Oh it's fun to dream!!

Yeah, I drove by her house that's worth twice what mine is, and I took pictures of it, too. Then I drove to the beach and took pictures of my husband's apartment with all the palm trees and flowery hibiscus plants. Next, I went home and took pictures of my drab, gray house with the fungus roof, in our lowly inland ghetto rife with gangs and sudden scrub fires. They will make a nice addition to my financial portfolio during my divorce settlement. I think he's living with her now, so I might need some shots of his car next to her house at 5 AM. The reason? Adultery is not against the law in Florida. However, spending marital assets (and we are still fully married because there is no legal separation here) on girlfriends, mistresses, or concubines is grounds for possible alimony. You'd have to know my lengthy story as to why I need alimony, and I stand a good chance of getting it, too. Oh, I've already seen her (and him) on the P.I.'s video, so I know what she looks like (a shorter version of me). <P>Say cheese,<BR>Belle

I feel for you Nell. The finacial wounds in A's are very painful I fear for loosing all I worked so hard for all these years, thinking my H and I were building our future together. All those long hours he worked and I thought it was an investment in our future. We have similar laws here in Alberta. I can sue OW for money he's spent on her. Luckily, my H seems to be extra cheap these days and isn't spending on anyone!

OMG - I was the queen of stalking. They moved into the apartment H and I were renting and I moved into the house we were buying. <P>I drove by endlessly, I parked and watched for them, I looked through the windows, I waited outside for her to leave. <P>She obliged me though - she always parked where I could see her car from the highway (not by accident either because H asked her to park elsewhere - the apartment was right beside a hotel so she could have easily hide her car).<P>I called the hotel I found out they had their weekly "meetings" and had them fax me the receipts from when "we" stayed there LOL Hubby was so stupid he put everything in his name. I now know every date they were together.<P>I have driven past her house, and looked for her car endlessly, I have called her voice mail (after hours just to see what she is up to) I don't believe she has made a week's work yet - I have never seen anyone take so much time off.<P>I still do these things and have been reconciled for over two years - but I can't get her out of my head and what bothers me is how nothing ever happened to her, she had an affair with my husband, and went back to her husband (saved her marriage) she kept her job and my H got fired for the office triange they created, I was the only one who ended up alone in this mess - I was alone for three months while my H waited for her and she went back and forth between her husband and mine. I am just looking for that "karma" thing to happen but no such luck.<P>BTW I also hired a private dective who did a background search on her - found out everything about her is a lie, she is ten years older than my h - drowning in debt and been married three times.<P>

About 6 wks after D-day H told me that single OW had moved out of her condo and took a job transfer to another state because she was sick of him not divorcing me! ( can you believe it?)!! ! The nerve of my husband- he kept coming home to ME and our 3 kids every night! ( Not that I got any affection out of him though- I think he just wanted DINNER!)Well he worked with her and I called her at his work after her supposed transfer and got her active voicemail. I called the receptionist back and asked if she had transferred- she said, "I dont think so." I was steaming mad! Called H at work read him the riot act. OF course he ranted and raved how 300 people work in his building.That wkend he said he had to go drain OW's waterbed and box some stuff up for her. ( He said he'd promised her he'd do that since she let him stay at her place after she moved out and I had asked him to move out.) Wasnt that NICE of her? Of course she came back during that month and insisted he file for D on me which he did, then cancelled. When he went to her place to box up her remaining stuff I didnt believe she was gone. I went with him in my minivan. Drained the dang bed WITH him! Luckily the joint was pretty empty. Picked up a real estate sales flyer for my memory book. I keep all those kind of 'souvenirs' in my Bible. God knows OW needs all the help she can get in that area. lifeismessy

mrsaxxeman<BR>Don't worry her day will come-What goes around, comes around, I believe. It may take awhile though.I might try that private detective thing or maybe I'll call up her x-livein boyfriend, he could probably tell me alot!<P>lifeismessy- I would love to accompany my H to see that his OW was moving away. That would be a dream come true for me.

Driving past Ow house? I did more than that for a few weeks. I would pass by everynight after work- I worked right beside her street.<BR>I was looking for either our car there, or at least make sure that hers was there - meaning that she was home. He was working nights at the time, and there were plenty of chances to meet.<BR>Actually it helped to see that he was keeping his side of the bargain after the worst was over. SO it became kind of reassurance that helped with my anxiety. After a few weeks I didn't remember anymore to go by.<BR>Kat<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Each and everyone of us is deserving of a gentle thougth, a kind word and the gift of understanding"