As I had explained,my wife had an affair and was caught a week ago. My first post (is this normal for reconciliation) <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009641.html." TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009641.html.</A> <BR>I found out yestarday she hasn't intended on reconciliation but was buying time for a divorce. She said she just wants out.There are no feelings left. Could this be true? Does she need more time? I told her to give it a little more time or I was taking the youngest child and kicking her out. She went beserk and started screaming at me that I was making her stay with me and live unhappy. I am desperate, I need her to stay. She agreed to go to counceling next week, but I can't find a counceler that uses the methods of MB.in Georgia. Am I wasting my time or is this what a woman feels after an affair. It has to work out, I love her.

It is pretty normal for her to just want out & to feel that there is nothing left. It is also pretty normal for her to be moody, iritable, etc. for a while after ending an affair. All this does not mean there is no hope, it is pretty common, and if you guys can support each other and work thru this awful period, you can get past it.<P>I'd strongly suggest you look into phone counseling with Steve Harley or Jennifer Harley Chalmers here...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html</A> <P>Good luck!<P>

Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. You are in a terrible place. But from what I've read here it is pretty normal for a WS to react this way. Remember that she is hurting as much as you hurt. The pain is just over different things.. guilt, self depreciation, loss of OM.<P>If you have not read the material on MB then please do so and read the book "Surviving an Affair". It sounds like you may have already done so but wanted to encourage you if not. <P>I could not find a counselor in my city who specifically follows MB. But I did explain it to my counselor, showed her some of the material. As it turns out her philosphies are very close and she has a lot of respect for what she has seen. In my couseling session I've used the MB to direct my progess. It's worked wonderfully. I hope that my H and I will start couples counseling soon and can use the same methods.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Night:<P>The good news is that, as others have said, what you are experiencing is normal. Right now she will say all kinds of things. My WS told me that I was using our children to blackmail her into staying with me, even though months later she admitted that she wanted to leave so she could have an easier time carrying on with the OM.<P>I may be wrong about this, but I've come to believe that, especially where the WS thinks they've found their "soulmate." Their initial reaction to the discovery of the affair is great anger at the spouse. To them they had this very nice fantasy going on and now a little reality has crashed in. I also think we human beings find it very difficult to be "in love" with two people at the same time, so if she's in love with the other guy, of course she doesn't think she has any feelings for you.<P>But the discovery of an affair is like an emotional nuke going off for both of you. You really can't take anything she says to heart right now because it can change in five minutes. You've got to read Harley's book Surviving an Affair. And don't just read it once, go over it and over it.<P>The bad news is that you are probably in for a very long, very painful experience. I feel very deeply for you. I've been right where you are and that was almost a year ago and my W has yet to really come out of her fog. It's hell. But if your family is important to you, you've got to try, and Harley and MB has the best advice and plan out there. Good luck to you, and God bless... if you believe in God, you are going to need him big time.<P>For what it's worth,<P>Ish