Near as I can tell from many of the posts, it is not unusual for BS to want to continue to have sexual relations with their ws (who is involved physically with op)...aren't you concerned about contracting a sexual transmitted disease? This has nothing to do with all the psychological issues, and marital stuff etc. etc. It is just a pragmatic question.<p>[This message has been edited by sad_n_lonely (edited June 17, 2001).]

I'm wondering why also. As soon as I found out about my ex H's affair I had a complete check up and couldn't bring myself to continue marital relations because he continued to wander. Trouble is he felt more justified because he wasn't getting any at home!

I believe it is because you want to "reconnect" have that reassure that you are still attractive to them in spite of OP.

because, you are grasping at straws in a what you feel is a loosing situation.....<BR>it doesn't feel real good either, knowing what you know.....

I did get a sexual disease from my cheating wife. The risk is real.

Back at you SNL.<P>Why does WH have relations with BS? My H will say he doesn't want to....but me thinks he doth protest too much...<P>At first it was purely, there B****, you didn't mean so much to him did you?<P>As time went on, it was purely for me...sometimes the depth of emotion afterwards was so strong all I could do was sob.<P>A couple of times it was **** you, you jerk. You can use me and I can use you.<P>One time, after I heard a voicemail that she wanted to meet him the next day and 'love on each other,' I did it truly for spite. Could he really **** me and then do her too? <P>It looks like he couldn't cause the last two voicemails were "I'm sorrys. I just hate to think of you with someone else..." and now they aren't in contact.<P>What I don't know is what was in his head...<P>Now that he seems to not be in contact with her and is in 'withdrawal,' I am treading lightly...he is going to have to clearly let me know he wants to...<P>Manipulation? sometimes, but not always...not even most of the time....most of the time it was just a way to connect with my H.

cali......the answer is I would not (can only speak for this ws), personally I think it is reprehensible to have sex with more than one person and not disclose it to all intimate partners. Further one should have a complete exam for std's before being intimate with a new partner. But for sure many ws (who are sexually active) do not disclose this to spouse, it is a serious failure IMO, more so than the moral issue of the A in the first place. You can literally kill your spouse, that is unconscionable. Did you conciously accept the risk to your health cali? Or did you just not think about it at all (denial in other words).<P>I see many of you suspend the real risks in the hope that sexually connecting with your spouse is of some benefit. Personally I think it is of no benefit at all, and that all sex should cease until the A issues are resolved. However, it seems that we messy humans won't do that (both bs or ws) and are willing to take the risks. I suppose if one is dealing with more or less honorable people, the risk may be small. But some of the op, and ws, seem to be highly promiscuous, both currently and in the past, this has got to be highly dangerous, and must have something to do with bs fog.

I believe it truly does connect me with my WS. I know it causes him confusion. Mostly though, it's to satisfy me that I am having sex with him, and he knows this. We are both enjoying the time together.And, after all, we are still married.

A question that I have often wondered about while reading thru the boards here. While I understand the philosophy behind the statement ... "afterall we ARE married"... obviously to the many here that were the WS, that alone is certainly not a criteria for physical intimacy. <BR>My H & I are in recovery currently, however I am nowhere emotionally ready to make that step. But even if i were there is a BIG question as to whether H is currently not in an A as there is ample evidence to suggest that he could be. So, until I know that answer for sure, I am not interested in sexual intimacy whatsoever. I'm surely not going to risk my health and wellbeing without knowing ALL.<BR>In addition:<P>Having a period of negative HIV tests results from him......... does anyone know how many months/test it takes for TOTAL CLEARANCE on HIV?????<BR>