Dear (WS)<P>I cannot see you anymore. But first I want to appologize for my part in creating the conditions that led to you becoming involved in an affair.<P>I'm sorry for (here I've listed off personal things that I feel responsible for in our marriage ie.messy house, being unloving, etc.)<P>I am willing to create a new marriage for us that will meet your needs as well as mine. I can forsee a future where we both spend much more time together(we never spent enough time together and I see this as our biggest pitfall). That's an easy thing to change. We will plan weekends away and start to vacation together.<BR>We can work together on building the business and enjoy each other's company. I see a marriage where we can finally put the children's and grandchildren's needs aside and concentrate on ourselves.<BR>I see where we can save more for our future now that the house is almost paid off and our kids are grown up.<BR>I see a future where we both meet each other's needs-a future that uses all the knowledge gained from this painful experience where we appreciate each other and love each other the way we need to be loved.<P>But right now I'm tired of the hurt and the pain. The pain that this affair has brought to me. I cannot be part of it anymore. I need to step aside and get out of this unhealthy mess. I need to wait for your relationship with this other woman to end.<P>Please do not contact me until you have cut off all contact with her. <P>Until then, if you need to communicate with me please do it through ________.<P>Please respect my decision not to see you anymore and do your bookkeeping only during these times.___________<BR>I will continue to pay the bills I paid before and I trust you to do the same.<P>I knew you were the man for me when we first walked through that graveyard together 26 years ago and I know you felt the same. I loved you when I married you and I love you today.<P>But now it's time to start a new 2nd half of our marriage.<BR>Yes (WS), it's time for a change - in us.<P>Love,<BR>------<P>

Your letter is short, and concise, and right to the point. It gives him the message, but I'd suggest making it a bit more like the standard Plan B letters you see floating around.<P>I just trust the advice of the Harley's and the experts on here.<P>The two things that I'd suggest changing are the first line and the last line. I'd start the letter with something loving, and then later state that you cannot see him anymore.<P>For the last line, I can't say what it is, but I just find it very direct. I think the point of the letter is not that it is time for a change, but that you cannot see him anymore until the A ends. I'd suggest doing a new last paragraph, or just use the 2nd last one, maybe modified a bit.<P>Sorry, don't mean to pick on it, just want to help. I'd also suggest spending a few days on it, read, change, read change, etc. Taking a step back and a fresh look always helps to make it the best it can be.<P>Good luck.

I'm no Plan B expert but I agree with Rick. Check out the Plan B letter in SAA and the posts here.<BR>The line about needing to wait for his relationship to end struck me as odd - I wonder if he would react in defiance "ok, I'll let her wait...." . Again - I don't know either of you so I may be way off base here.<P>Sorry I'm not much help. Just felt I should respond to a fellow Alberta! <BR>

You aske for input so here's mine. I took the liberty to rewrite some of it. It's a good letter. This has got to be a hard one to write so getting input is a good idea.<P>You know, if I were to write a Plan B letter, I would probably copy the one out of the SSA book almost exactly as it is. The reason is that it was written by a person who has a lot of experince with this stuff. I now that I'd get caught up in the emotional stuff and find it hard to write.<P>Also please use the OW's name. You may have intended to but just wanted to bring it up if that was not your intention. Such a deliberate slight would only serve to drive the two of them closer together. <P>RE: “I cannot see you anymore.”<P>Starting with this sentence and then later saying that you are willing to work on the marriage gives mixed messages. And if it upsets him, he will never see your apology. Start with the apology…..<P>RE: “But right now I'm tired of the hurt and the pain.”<P>This sentence give the impression that you are tired of the hurt/pain right now, but maybe you won’t be later. Don’t thin you meant that.<P>RE: I need to wait for your relationship with this other woman to end.<P>I agree that this sentence could give him the wrong idea… it needs to be more direct.<P>RE: “not to see you anymore and do your bookkeeping only during these times.___________”<P>You are not saying that you will not see him any more. You are saying that you will not see him anymore if he does not give up OW. Then you say you will do this bookkeeping at a certain time. Does this mean that you will see him to exchange/discuss his books? This is not clear.<P>Is there a particular reason why you will still do his books? Do you want to keep a hand it them for legal/tax/financial reasons? Or are you just going to be filling one of his needs? If that’s the case don’t do them any more. Part of Plan B is to let him experience life without you. Let him see how much you contributed to his ENs and well being. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good bookkeeper. Bookkeepers are easy to find.. but a good one? (IMHO)<P>---------------------------<BR>---------------------------<BR>I apologize for my part in creating the conditions that led to you becoming involved in an affair. I'm sorry for (here I've listed off personal things that I feel responsible for in our marriage i.e. messy house, being unloving, etc.) <P>I am willing to create a new marriage for us that will meet your needs as well as mine. I can for see a future where we both spend much more time together (we never spent enough time together and I see this as our biggest pitfall). That's an easy thing to change. We will plan weekends away and start to vacation together.<P>We can work together on building the business and enjoy each other's company. I see a marriage where we can finally put the children's and grandchildren's needs aside and concentrate on ourselves. I see where we can save more for our future now that the house is almost paid off and our kids are grown up. I see a future where we both meet each other's needs-a future that uses all the knowledge gained from this painful experience where we appreciate each other and love each other the way we need to be loved. <P>You are aware of the pain that your affair has brought to me. I cannot be part of it anymore. I need to step aside and get out of this unhealthy mess. As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from the other woman, and have no further contact of any kind with her, I will be willing to discuss our future together. Until then I cannot see you any more. Please do not contact me until you have cut off all contact with her. Please respect my decision to separate from you this way.<P>If you need to communicate with me please do it through ________. <P>You will need to find another bookkeeper immediately. I will give all of the financial records to ________ by ___date____ for you to pick up. You will need to find another bookkeeper. <P>I will continue to pay the bills I paid before and I trust you to do the same. <P>I knew you were the man for me when we first walked through that graveyard together 26 years ago and I know you felt the same. I loved you when I married you and I love you today. <P>But now it's time to start a new 2nd half of our marriage.<BR>Yes (WS), it's time for a change - in us. <P>Love,<P>-------------------<P>my 2 cents<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Thanks so much to all of you for responding. I know there are alot of plan B letters floating around here and I appreciate that you took the time to help me! All suggestions are good, thanks!