Hi Redon,<P>I will certainly try. I was not able to locate the source of your quote. It doesn't sound like me but I post a lot and it might be. <P>Anyway to address your question. While int he fog, most WS's really do not miss their mates and children. In fact, they would like to forget us. It makes their A easier. If they can actually get away with placing blame on us, all the better. <P>Now here is the tricky question. How do all those Ws's find those terrible OP's who work so hard making the BS's look soooo bad? I mean if you were to believe all the stories the WS and OP shares, most of the BS's would be locked up. Hm...... does this make sense? No. Why? because that's the fog talking. Sometimes the WS (in recovery) can't believe they said and did what they did. They may even call us liars. <P>That is why I kept my journal and taped 3 of H's worst voicemails. OW was good at reinforcing, add libbing + adding her own 2 cents about how bad I was. H says, OW would get angry when H actually said something nice about me. Mind you it wasn't very often nor a big compliment, nonetheless it angered her to no end. That was an LB in their relationship. <P>But the truth is the truth. As much as the WS in the fog would like to paint us bad, our true ways (whether we plan A to show it or plan B to prove it), our true ways will shine through and there is no denying. Eventually the WS will see it, it is now a matter of when and will the BS still be around when the fog finally clears? Hm.....<P>There are no guarantees in life. I used to tell my H I loved him and I do. However, I no longer tell H I will always love him unconditionally. Because now there are conditions to my love. <P>What the Ws's have to realize is that their A did not only teach them a lesson, it taught the entire family a lesson. The BS learned that they can go on with or without the WS. The children learned that parents are not infalliable. In fact sometimes the parent is so bad, the children are repulsed. The outcome for them is a bad relationship with their parent(s) and possible repeat of history or having to overcome instability in establishing a solid permanent relationship when they grow up. <P>Are Ws's a bad influence on their families? Yes. Should the WS be told that? Yes. Then watch what the WS does with that info. If love of their children is truly important, changes will be seen, families can be healed. If not, all will know the true character of the WS and it is better for all that the WS leave the family since the WS's association is detrimental to the outcome of our children. <P>Would you allow your children to associate with a relative or family friend who lie, stole and cheated your family? No. Yet that is what the Ws has done. Hm.....<P>Something heavy to think about. Sometimes, it takes major disruption or trouble with the OP to help the WS see their error. Some are more stubborn or stupid and take longer. <P>Hope this kind of touched on your statement in question. <P>L.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited June 19, 2001).]
