I am new here and posted last week. As indicated before, I confronted wife about possible EA or PA with OM who worked at her job. She says that it was just friends, but evidence showed differently. He is no longer at her work but they continue to have phone conversations. I don't know if it is daily, but they still talk. Over the years we have had problems and we are going to a counselor. However, I think that this phone relationship is not helping us heal. she has said that she doesn't love me as a wife should love her husband and I am wondering if the relationship over the phone is not helping at all. How long can a phone affair can last? Should I say anything or do I just keep trying Plan A and hold it in. Thanks for your attention.

I know how you feel. My wife just ended a 3 month phone affair with an old boyfriend. I trusted her to be faithful, but things got out of hand for her.<P>If you really want to find out the truth, she will not tell you if she wants this to continue. It is not fair to you. Go ahead and email me at coopergerald@hotmail.com for some suggestions.....<P>If I do not hear from you, I wish you the best of luck. remember, God never gives you more than you can handle.<P>K

You are correct that you cannot progress with healing your marriage while this OM is in the picture. Make sure your counselor knows about this. If he/she doesn't agree, you need a new counselor.<P>Please see the thread from yesterday for dontnevergiveup, "Is what I'm doing right??????"<P>Don't think of this as a "phone" affair. It's an affair, period. Your wife is spouting all the classic lines.<P>Plan A, Plan A, Plan A.<P>What is her attitude about continued counseling?<P>WAT

Thanks for replying. I will e-mail you k when I get a chance. As for your question WAT, my wife said she would continue to see a counselor if I wanted to. She still thinks it won't work but I think it will. Especially if OM is not in the picture talking to her. I feel that if his influence is not there, then we may can deal on a level field. I think right now her judgement is clouded. Some deep issues were touched on in our counseling session and I believe it got my wife to thinking. Looking back through our marriage,I have finally realized I have done things that are not very conducive to a strong marriage and I really didn't help it to grow. I want to work on these things without outside interference but I don't know exactly what to do or how to approach her without her defenses getting up and starting an argument or not having her talk at all. I want her to know that because I am not saying anything, this EA is not acceptable even though we are having difficulty. I think she figures she is hurt so why not hurt me. The thing is I have never even thought about having an affair. I am at a point where I don't know what to do. Do I just go along with the way things are and continue counseling and hope things will change? I have done a lot of praying about this and I need to keep reminding myself that God is in control and He knows best. I pray to Him that He will soften her heart and change me so that she can see a different me. <P>Thanks